That One Time I Met Hilary Duff

Life.

I've always been a Hilary Duff fan, and who can blame me? As an actress, she brought alive the ever-so-relatable Lizzie McGuire, and also starred in hits such as The Lizzie McGuire Movie, A Cinderella Story, and The Perfect Man, amongst others. As a songstress, she bestowed upon us jam after jam, including (but certainly not limited to) "What Dreams Are Made Of", "So Yesterday", "Come Clean", "Fly", and "Stranger". In short, she defined my generation, and unlike Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and the other celebrities who came about in my youth, she managed to keep a low profile life free from controversy. She also blazed the trail for the "Disney tween queens," allowing us to enjoy gems such as Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez for all of prosperity. (Or, in Miley's case, until they get a fugly haircut.)

Funny thing is that Hilary was definitely on the short list for future Bitches of the Week, because she's just so awesome. However, after meeting her in person, I totes decided to blog about her now. Yesterday, Hilary came to speak at my school. I basically planned by whole week around the event, as did many of my colleagues. I did everything I could to ensure I would have an optimal experience, which included being seventh in a line of like 500 people and buying her book at the event so I would be guaranteed her autograph. Me being pressed as all fuck when I saw other people getting better access to the Disney darling was also a recurring sitch throughout the day.

At approximately 4pm PST on October 16, 2012, life began. Like Jesus Christ rising from the grave, Hilary floated on stage. She spoke about everything from her career to her humanitarianism to her new life as a wife and mother. (She also brought up several times how great her sister is. Guess we can't agree on everything! Though it was fun to watch her eloquently dance around the fact that Haylie is a major flop.) Some questions stumped her, especially the ones asking about her biggest failures or regrets. UM. She doesn't have any. She's Hilary fucking Duff. However, she did say that she did a string of independent films that "only like 9 people saw." Guess who was one of those 9 people? This bitch!

After about an hour, the Q&A session ended and it was time for the book signing. The dick who was in charge of the event told us we were absolutely not allowed to take pictures with Hilary. I was like, BITCH! I did not pay 19 dollars for her book just to stand next to her and not document the beautiful, life-changing moment. Thankfully, Hilary realized this guy had a major stick up his ass and took pictures with everyone anyway! You go, Hil!

As I waited in line, I contemplated what I would say to Hilary. "I love you!" was too generic, but "Me and my friend have Hilary Duff marathons all the time" was just too specific. Could I ask a question? Naturally everybody wants to know what the fuck went down with Lalaine, but I didn't want her to think I was only interested in idle gossip. And would she appreciate me asking what she thinks Lizzie is up to these days? I couldn't be sure. Then it hit me: I'll tell her I've seen those independent movies that nobody else had seen. She was so proud of (most of) them and I could tell her how much I loved them.

So I hollered right on up to her and said, "Hey, Hilary! How are you?" Totally casual. Then she was like, "Hi, Tommy." I was like OMG she knows my name. (I totally forgot that they had us write our names on a post-it note so she knew how to spell them.) She continued, "I'm good. My cheeks hurt because I've been grinning so much!" I started freaking out because I thought this was her nice way of saying "I don't want to take anymore pictures." Luckily, she took one anyway! I then told her how I was one of the 9 people who saw those movies, and how much I loved According to Gretta. She lit up and said, "Oh, good! Thank you so much!" I then brought up War, Inc. which was a steaming pile of shit. But I didn't say that. I just mentioned that I had seen it. Her response: "Oh God, you stayed awake during that?" #Honesty

I decided to flatter her some more and say, "Only for you! You were hilarious!" (because she was). Then she told me I was sweet and asked me if I liked her song in the film. At this moment, I contemplated telling her I owned every song she's ever recorded. Then I thought, better not. So I just said "Of course!" and my time was up. I thanked her, she thanked me, and that was that.

Naturally, I had to sit down after such an experience. I'm no stranger to meeting Disney Channel stars; three years ago, I met two-thirds of the Jonas Brothers. However, this wasn't just running into Joe and Nick at a restaurant and timidly asking for a picture. This was like the fucking rapture! This was Hilary fucking Duff asking me if I liked her song and joking about her flop movies! Oh my Hilary, she is is just too fun.

If you haven't already, I highly encourage you to try and meet Hilary. She's great and meeting her is life.