What You Maybe Didn't Know About Britney's Singles

All eyes on me.

The Britney Army has their eyes on September 17, the heavily rumored date for the lead single from Britney's next album. (A countdown on Britney's official website promises something big will happen on that day.) In anticipation of the song that will likely slay us all, here is a fun fact for each of Britney's timeless jams.

1. "...Baby One More Time" was originally written for TLC, but they rejected it. Britney fell in love with the song the minute she heard the demo, and her label lauded it as well, only requesting that "hit me" be removed from the title.
2. "Sometimes" was the subject of a lawsuit when songwriter Steve Wallace claimed he had written the song in 1990 but didn't copyright it until 2003, four years after Britney registered her own copyright for it. Emails Wallace produced in court in which Britney admitted to having stolen the song were considered fake, and Steve lost the lawsuit. #Don'tMessWithBritney
3. "(You Drive Me) Crazy" was remixed for its single release, and "The Stop! Remix" was included on the soundtrack for the 1999 film Drive Me Crazy. The film's stars, Melissa Joan Hart and Adrian Grenier, appear in the song's music video.
4. Britney recorded three versions of "Born to Make You Happy". The first contained lyrics that she deemed too inappropriate for her target audience. After the song was rewritten, Britney recorded two sets of vocals; the second were used for the official album version of the song, while the first were used as a bonus remix.
5. The music video for "From the Bottom of My Broken Heart" was meant to rehaul Britney's naughty school girl image. Her record label wanted a story-oriented and emotionally-driven clip with no choreography.
6. With a budget of $750,000 (over $1 million when adjusted for inflation), "Oops!... I Did It Again" remains one of the most expensive music videos of all time.
7. "Lucky" is frequently cited by critics as one of Britney's finest moments and is often credited with predicting her later struggles with fame.
8. "Stronger" is allegedly aimed at Britney's management and label, who were criticized by the media for micromanaging her career at the time.
9. "Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know" was written by Shania Twain. 
10. The albino Burmese python Britney danced with while flawlessly performing "I'm a Slave 4 U" at the 2001 MTV Music Awards is named Banana. Britney was reportedly terrified of the snake but went ahead with the performance anyway.
11. Though the album version of "Overprotected" was released, music video and all, Britney's label quickly commissioned a hop-hop remix and a new video, hoping it would improve the song's commercial performance.
12. "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" was originally recorded for the Crossroads soundtrack but used for Britney's third album instead.
13. While promoting the single release of her version of "I Love Rock 'n' Roll", Britney mistakenly attributed the song to Pat Benatar instead of Joan Jett. #awkward
14. "Anticipating" was only released in France.
15. Like "I'm a Slave 4 U", "Boys" was originally written for Janet Jackson, who is one of Britney's biggest influences. In the song, Britney sings "get nasty," which alludes to Janet's hit single "Nasty".
16. "Me Against the Music" was never intended to feature Madonna, but after Britney played a finished version of the track for her, Madonna added in her own verses.
17. "Toxic", which was originally offered to Kylie Minogue, won Britney her first Grammy.
18. Britney wrote the lyrics to "Everytime" by herself. While it is common knowledge that the song focuses on her former relationship with Justin Timberlake, Britney wrote it in direct response to his music video for "Cry Me a River", which featured a Britney lookalike, and several interviews in which Justin divulged private details of their relationship.
19. Britney suffered a knee injury on the set of the music video for "Outrageous" and had to undergo arthroscopic surgery. As a result, the video, which featured scenes with Snoop Dogg, was never completed.
20. Both Kevin Federline and Britney's brother Bryan make appearances in the music video for "My Prerogative".
21. Britney had to fight with her record label to get "Do Somethin'" released as a single.
22. Britney is the sole writer credited for "Someday (I Will Understand)", a song about feeling empowered as a pregnant woman, which she penned two weeks before learning she was expecting her first child.
23. The original version of "And Then We Kiss" was recorded for In the Zone, but it didn't make the cut. It was considered once again for the Britney & Kevin: Chaotic EP, but was left out for unknown reasons. A remixed version of the song appears on B in the Mix: The Remixes in 2005, and the original version leaked online six years later.
24. Britney initially did not want to include the line, "It's Britney, bitch," on "Gimme More".
25. Bloodyshy & Avant wrote "Piece of Me" after witnessing the singer's relationship with the paparazzi firsthand, even though they were aware of an "unwritten rule" that the label would not accept songs regarding Britney's personal life.
26. "Break the Ice" was selected as the third single from Blackout after it won 39% of votes in a fan poll.
27. "Womanizer" is Britney's best selling digital single in the United States.
28. Entire sequences of Britney walking the tight rope in the "Circus" music video were never included in the final cut.
29. "If U Seek Amy" is by far Britney's most controversial song, as a bunch of tight-ass motherfuckers couldn't handle its double entendre. As a result, the version you're most likely to hear on the radio is "If U See Amy".
30. "Radar" appears on both Blackout and Circus. Originally intended to be released as a single from Blackout, those plans were scrapped and it was released as a single from Circus in order to fulfill contractual obligations with the song's producers.
31. Britney broke hella records with "3", and at the time of the release, it was the first song in three years and first non-American Idol song in eleven years to debut at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100.
32. "Hold It Against Me" was originally written for Katy Perry, but its writers decided it was better suite for Britney.
33. "Till the World Ends" not only features Ke$ha on its remix, but was also written by the "Tik Tok" singer as well.
34. When Britney lent her vocals to the remixed version of Rihanna's "S&M", it marked the first time the singer was ever featured on another artist's song. Bitch plays hard to get!
35. "I Wanna Go" was selected as the third single off of Femme Fatale after receiving 38% of fan votes in an online poll.
36. The music video for "Criminal" stars Britney's then-boyfriend Jason Trawick.
37. "Scream & Shout" is one of three known songs recorded by Britney and will.i.am. The other two, "Big Fat Bass" and another track, were both recorded for Femme Fatale, but only the former made the cut. will.i.am is the executive producer of Britney's upcoming album, so expect more collaborations between the two.
38. Britney's management and label advised her not to record "Ooh La La" for The Smurfs 2, but she insisted because her sons were such big fans of the film.

This or That: Christina Aguilera vs. Britney Spears

Pictured: treasure (left) and trash (right).

It's a rivalry as old as time. The skank vs. the sweetheart, the diva vs. the lolita, the voice vs. the x-factor. That's right. It's Christina Haguilera vs. the Legendary Miss Britney Spears. These two pop stars have been pitted against one another since their diaper days on The Mickey Mouse Club, and I think it's pretty clear to everyone just who came out on top. But for argument's sake, today's This or That will present my reasoning for just how one of these women is better than the other. Let's go!

Musical styles and influence
Britney is always ahead of the curve, setting trends with every song she releases. She's often credited as leading the revival in teen pop in the late 1990s. This blast of bubblegum pop would later allow artists such as Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Justin Bieber to start their music careers at an early age. With Britney's R&B influences and In the Zone's urban elements, B segued into electropop dance music, which has defined the later half of her career. Without her taking those reins, artists like Lady Gaga wouldn't have careers. And whether you love it or hate it, dubstep was first introduced into mainstream music by Britney's "Freakshow". Blackout was dubbed the most influential pop album of the decade by Rolling Stone, and it was also inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Britney's influence is massive and beyond reproach!

Christina's R&B influences and preference for low-profile producers helped her establish a unique identity that was pretty different from Britney's at first. And it worked, and her willingness to take risks produced the wonderfully jazz-infused Back to Basics album. But in recent years, Christina has had an identity crises. After dismissing autotune, her vocals on Bionic were notably computerized. (She later called the album "ahead of its time" after it flopped, but I just call it "shit.") Her most recent effort, Lotus, proved that she had finally caved in. She worked with the hottest producers and assembled a collection of the most reductive and formulaic dance songs you could imagine. There's a reason you're probably unaware that she released an album just last November. Obviously, this round goes to Britney!

Vocal talent
Everybody has to admit that Christina is the better vocalist. (Some even think she's black!) Britney has said, on numerous occasions, that she would like to have a voice like Christina's. While it's worth noting that Britney has an amazing voice, one that her music generally doesn't show, it's nowhere near Christina's level, and thus this round goes to Christina!

The wow factor
Slutty school girl, red latex, sheer bodysuit, albino snake, bejeweled skin, three-ring circus. What do all of these things have in common? They are elements of Britney's most memorable performances. Christina may have the better voice, but Britney has always been the better performer, and has contributed far more to pop culture iconography than Xtina could ever hope. This round goes to Britney!

Sales, numbers, and figures
Let's talk albums first. All but one of Britney's have gone to #1 in the US (Blackout hit #2). All of her albums have been certified platinum, with ...Baby One More Time and Oops!... I Did It Again both achieving the highest honor of diamond. Collectively, she has sold over 100 million albums worldwide. Only 2 of Christina's 7 albums have hit #1, and only 5 have gone platinum (the other 2 haven't even gone gold). Worldwide, she has sold 50 million albums, only have of what Britney's done.

Now let's talk singles. Both singers have boosted a surprisingly low five #1 US hits (including Britney's feature on "S&M" by Rihanna and Christina's features on "Lady Marmalade" and "Moves Like Jagger"). The only difference? The last time Christina hit #1 as a solo artist was in 2000 with "Come On Over Baby (All I Want Is You)". Britney had her last solo #1 in 2011 with "Hold It Against Me".

As for concert tours, let's just say this: Britney's Femme Fatale tour was amongst the top-selling global tours of 2011. Christina's last tour was cancelled due to lack of interest. All together now: this round goes to Britney!

The breakdowns
It's sad but true that unless Britney is going up against Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes, she'll always have the burden of having had one of the biggest celebrity meltdowns ever. Between questionable parenting choices, alleged drug use, a messy divorce, and a shaved head, 2006-08 was not a great time for Brit. And even though she was never arrested like Christina was for being a damn hot mess in 2011, I have to be honest and give this round to Christina.

Lightning round!!!

•  The Voice routinely beats The X Factor in ratings. Point for Christina!
•  Everybody and their mother has come forward to say that meeting Christina was like meeting the devil himself, but Britney is constantly complimented for her sweet modesty and professionalism. Point for Britney!
• Britney doesn't exploit her children, but they're celebrities anyway, kind of in a Suri Cruise kind of way... What was Christina's kid's name again? Point for Britney!
• Madonna kissed both Britney and Christina onstage during the same performance, but only Britney's smooch made headlines. Did you even know that Christina was there? Point for Britney!
• Before P!nk, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry started churning out songs about the underdog, Christina released "Beautiful", one of the more poignant empowerment songs for the disenfranchised. Britney's music might be more fun, but she's never recorded something this meaningful nor powerful. Point for Christina! 

It's not surprised that Britney emerges the victor. Obviously I wouldn't allow any other outcome, but the facts DO speak for themselves. If her recent album sales are anything to go by, Christina Haguilera doesn't exactly have an army of fans waiting to defend her, but don't bother trying anyway. Britney will always be queen. Thanks!

Cunt of the Week: Lady Gaga

Ugh. I just can't.

In the music industry, cunts are a dime a dozen. This is perhaps best illustrated by the battle for who will surpass Madonna as the Queen of Pop. While Britney is the obvious successor, basic bitches like Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Beyoncé think they stand a chance. The only person who has come close to swiping the title is none other than this Cunt of the Week, Lady Gaga.

For those of you who don't remember who Lady Gag-a is (because she's thankfully fallen of the radar in the past year or so), allow me to refresh your memory. She's Cyndi Lauper and Elton John's lovechild who grew up to become a self-important singing gypsy. Ever since she hit the music scene in 2008, she's proven to be nothing more than an absolute cunt. The biggest problem with Lady G is the fact that everybody thinks she's the fucking mecca of pop music. Her songs are so inspirational, she is so unique, and she is so talented. Except not. That is all bullshit. And here's why.

First off, she's not all that inspiring. Between P!nk raising her glass for the under dogs and Selena Gomez shutting down anybody who says you're not perfect, empowering pop anthems are an inescapable trend. Lady Gaga is perhaps the premier engineer of such tunes. "Dance in the Dark" speaks about body image, "Americana" touches upon immigration, and of course "Born This Way" is a shout-out to the gays. But at what point do these messages stop becoming meaningful and start becoming trite? I can't say for sure, but I know for fucking sure that Lady Gaga passed that point ages ago. Maybe her songs offer hope to the downtrodden, but she exploits social issues and her fanbase to make her music even more successful than it already is and das tacky. Sorry, Little Monsters, but y'all just her prop.

Secondly, Lady Gaga is a lot of things, but unique is not one of them. Sure, she may be the first person to wear a dress made out of Kermit the Frog dolls or arrive at the Grammys in a fucking egg, but her very being is a collection of shit she's stolen from other artists. From her blonde yellow hair that has been trademarked by Cyndi Lauper for decades to her music videos that scream Michael Jackson, nothing about Lady Gag-me's artistry is special. And as if I have to say it, almost every move she makes is taken from Madonna's playbook. (Please listen to "Born This Way" and then Madonna's 1989 hit "Express Yourself" to HEAR the similarities.)

Lastly, I'll evaluate Lady Gaga's talent. Sure, she has a nice voice, and she clearly knows how to pen a jam or two. But if you take away her soap box, crazy costumes, and alienating personality, her skills are underwhelming. There's nothing she can do that her peers cannot. You may say Britney is less talented, but at least she sets the trends in pop music. (Rolling Stone didn't name Blackout the most influential pop album of the past five years for shits and giggles.) Lady Gaga is always behind the curve.

Lady Gaga is not the pop engineer everybody thinks she is. In fact, she's the most reductive, redundant, irrelevant cunt on the block. I'll leave you with this graphic, which displays Lady Gaga's only lasting impact on the industry.

One list Britney will never be on.

Jam of the Week: "Masterpiece" by Madonna

The current Jam of the Week is a bit of a throwback to 2012. Madonna's "Masterpiece" talks about being in love with somebody who is virtually untouchable. It is my absolute favorite Madonna song (in general, I think she's kinda sucky). And I'm not the only one who thinks so. It won the Golden Globe for Best Original Song. Enjoy!

20 Things You Didn't Know About Britney Spears

Bow down.

1. For "...Baby One More Time", record label execs originally wanted an animated music video about Britney fighting robots. She told them it was a bad idea and pitched them the now-iconic Catholic school girl theme we see in the video today. Filming took place at Venice High School, where films like Grease and Heathers were also shot. Britney later called the cartoon robot idea the worst advice she's ever gotten.
2. Britney is the only person to perform live with both Madonna and Michael Jackson, and thanks to MJ kicking the bucket, she always will be.
3. The song "Umbrella" was originally written for Britney, but she rejected it and it was then given to Rihanna. (If only she took it... Would we be living in a Rihanna-less utopia today?!)
4. Britney's debut album was originally going to be similar to Sheryl Crow's music, but she ultimately decided to go in the pop direction and recorded most of ...Baby One More Time in Sweden.
5. In 2007, Britney embarked on a 6-date House of Blues concert tour under the pseudonym of The M+Ms. Once the public learned that the act was Britney, all the shows sold out. Tickets originally cost $35 but were scalped for as much as $500. Britney's set contained five songs. That's right! People coughed up half a grand to see the queen perform for 13 minutes!
6. Britney was in talks to join a girl group called Innosense when she was signed as a solo artist in 1997 instead. (wtf is innosence?)
7. Released during her highly publicized meltdown, Blackout is one of Britney's most critically-acclaimed albums and her only one to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It is also the album over which she had the most creative control, as she served as executive producer. #Blackout2.0
8. Before she was Lady Gaga, Stefani Germanotta was a songwriter for Britney, who recorded "Telephone" for her sixth album Circus but ultimately decided not to use it. So basically one of Lady G's biggest songs is a Britney leftover. Love it!
9. Britney's third album was self-titled because the singer said it reflected where she was in her life at the time; however, as Britney's release coincided with that of her film Crossroads, it was used as a de facto soundtrack for the movie. As a result, much of the album's personal material was scrapped in favor of songs that appeared in the film, such as the cover of "I Love Rock N Roll".
10. Britney was originally considered for the role of Daisy Duke in the film adaptation of The Dukes of Hazzard, but it ultimately went to Jessica Simpson. Thank God. That movie was a train wreck.
11. During the four years between In The Zone and Blackout, Britney recorded an entire album entitled The Original Doll. However, the album, which would have contained stripped down songs, was shelved for unknown reasons.
12. Britney's sons, Sean and Jayden, have been nicknamed French Fry and Tater Tot by the media.
13. Britney was the inspiration for the film Country Star, which chronicles the comeback of a fallen country star.
14. ClearChannel, the largest owner of radio stations in America, was so disgruntled when Britney chose Pepsi to sponsor her Dream Within a Dream tour over them that they banned her music from its stations for several years. For this reason, many of Britney's singles underperformed; she did not follow-up 1998's "...Baby One More Time" with another #1 in the U.S. until "Womanizer" ten years later.
15. Britney wrote "Everytime" after seeing ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake's music video for "Cry Me a River", which features a Spears lookalike.
16. "Hold It Against Me" was originally written with Katy Perry in mind, until songwriters Max Martin and Dr. Luke decided it was better suited for Britney.
17. Britney was the sixth person to reach 10 million followers on Twitter.
18. Britney's film Crossroads was written by Shonda Rhymes, who later went on to create Grey's Anatomy.
19. Like many celebrities, Britney often travels under fake names. Some of these have included Mrs. Diana Prince, Queen of the Fairy Dance, and Mrs. Abra Cadabra.
20. Britney's debut album was originally going to be self-titled, but Jive Records wanted to capitalize on the success its lead single, "...Baby One More Time", was experiencing by naming the album after it. Oops!... I Did It Again was originally called Sunflower but was changed for the same reason. (Bonus: the reason "...Baby One More Time" appears as it does is because Jive feared that its full title, "Hit Me Baby One More Time", would be misconstrued as domestic violence.)

Throwback Thursday: Tommy Picks the Best of Glee, Season 1

The Glee cast back when the show wasn't a steaming pile of shit.

I haven't been shy about my flagging interest in Glee. Still, there are three things that keep me watching: (1) Darren Criss; (2) the plethora of bitchy characters; and (3) the music. I'll admit that they often perform songs too recent to be covered by anyone, and other times they just downright butcher classics. But this talented cast definitely has countless jams under its belt. I attempted to choose my favorite Glee songs of all time, but it just couldn't be done. So, here's the first installment: The Best of Glee, Season 1.
10. "I Say a Little Prayer" by Quinn
Everyone knows I have a soft spot for Quinn, so it's no wonder that her glee club debut landed her on this list. Though not the strongest singer of the bunch, Quinn never disappoints, as evidenced by her short but sweet rendition of "I Say a Little Prayer", complete with provocative dance moves and Santana and Brittany on back-up.

9. "Don't Stop Believing" by the New Directions
This is the anthem of life Glee. Performed in the pilot by the newly-formed New Directions, "Don't Stop Believing" is what launched the show into massive popularity, and held viewers over for the 4-month gap between the episode's original broadcast and the official start of the first season.

8. "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Rachel, Finn, Puck, and Jesse
Remember when Rachel, who was bottom of McKinley High's barrel, somehow managed to juggle three guys at once? Yeah, I barely do, either. But that love-rectangle culminated in this ridiculous but super fun rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart".

7. "Take a Bow" by Rachel
For whatever reason, Glee decided early on that it was gonna cover Rihanna. I stifled my vomit, because I knew that they would out-perform that talentless cunt, no problem. And leave it to the great Lea Michele to sing the shit out of "Take a Bow". (Side note: You may not remember this song because it was before Rihanna became unbearably and whorishly present.)

6. "Alone" by Will and April
I know I'm not the only one who totally tunes out when Will Schuester sings. It's not that I don't like him, or that he's not talented, because he has a great voice. It's just because I usually don't give a fuck about what's going on with his life. That all changed when Kristen Chenoweth brought her skills to Glee as the hilarious but uber-talented April Rhodes. When they sang "Alone" at a karaoke bar, I was hooked.

5. "Halo/Walking on Sunshine" by the New Direction girls
Anybody who watches Glee knows that when they do mash-ups, it becomes LIFE. One of the very first mash-ups was of Beyoncé's "Halo" and the classic "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves, performed by the girls in a gender dispute. I can't remember who won the competition, but my vote goes to the ladies for this performance!

4. "Somebody to Love" by the New Directions
Back when Glee had group performances on the regular, they covered Queen's "Somebody to Love". Not only is it one of the best songs from the first season, but it's one of my favorite Glee songs of all time.

3. "Over the Rainbow" by Will
Keeping in mind what I just said about Will a few songs ago, it's a miracle that two of his performances have made it on this list. His rendition of "Over the Rainbow" was just beautiful, and the perfect cap to the first season.

2. "Don't Rain on My Parade" by Rachel
It's no secret I'm a huge Lea Michele fan and that I love me some Rachel solos. I had to limit myself to only a handful on this list, but there was no way "Don't Rain on My Parade" wouldn't make the cut. The song captures Lea in all her glory, and it's what won the glee club sectionals in the first season. Holla!

1. "Like a Prayer" by the New Directions
In their very first tribute episode, Glee performed some of Madonna's biggest hits. The episode is definitely amongst the show's best, and they managed to take the so-called Queen of Pop's songs and make them better. This is especially true for their rendition of "Like a Prayer", a song I personally had to analyze to hell in a class on religion in pop culture. But that's another story.

With over 100 songs performed in the first season alone, picking the top ten was definitely a challenge. I know you totally agree with my choices. Stay tuned for the second and third seasons!