Jam of the Week: "Cannonball" by Lea Michele

I've been waiting five years for Lea Michele to launch a solo career and that time has FINALLY come. Glee's leading lady has been working on her debut album for over a year now, and if its lead single and Jam of the Week, "Cannonball", is any indication, it's going to be amazing.

Lyrically, "Cannonball" is similar to "Roar", "Firework", and a slew of other Katy Perry songs in that it speaks about self-empowerment. But while Katy's songs are vague pick-me-ups, Leas "Cannonball" definitely seems to be about her overcoming her grief after Cory Monteith's death. It's spectacular, even if she does pronounce "cannon" a little oddly.

Have this ish on repeat.

Tommy Picks the Best Albums of 2013

As we barrel into 2014, it's important to look back on the previous year before we close the book on 2013 forever. In the last twelve months, we've gotten some tantalizing music (#jamsfordays) and I took the time to rank the 10 Best Albums of 2013. Avid Tommy Time readers shouldn't be surprised by the rankings at all.

Click through the slideshow to see if your favorite made the cut!

Britney Jean is Triumphant

Since announcing her eighth album, Britney Spears has promised that it would be her most personal one yet. With this reputation preceding it, one would expect Britney Jean to delve intimately into her public meltdown or divulge juicy details behind her split from Jason Trawick earlier this year, but that's not the case. The album is not an autobiography; instead, it's a musical experimentation on which Britney takes risks and distances herself from her previous body of work.

At this point in her career, Britney has nothing to prove. While pop tarts like Lady Gaga, Rihanna, and Miley Cyrus compete to be the raunchiest and most provocative singer out there, concurrently letting whatever talent they have fall to the wayside, Britney is letting her music speak for itself, completely gimmick-free.

Britney Jean is very much like the singer's other self-titled album, Britney (2001), in that it's a transitional album. But while her third album took the "not yet a girl, not yet a woman" from teen queen to the dance diva, delivering club-ready jams with which she has since become synonymous, Britney Jean exposes a vulnerable, more mature side of the icon that could signify a major turning point in her career. It fits, given that she'll turn 32 the day before the album's December 3 release.

The album opens up with an airy mid-tempo called "Alien", one of its strongest tracks. "There was a time I was one of a kind/Lost in a world of me, myself, and I," she coos at the beginning of the space-age song. Upon first listen, "Alien" seems to talk about Britney finding herself in a lover, but the track could easily be a commentary on the singer's fame. After all, what Britney album would be complete without its own "Lucky" or "Piece of Me"?

Singles "Work Bitch" and "Perfume" follow the opener, and their interaction speaks to the album's versatility. The former is an aggressive, bass-heavy club banger devoid of any melodic substance; the latter is a vulnerable 80s-inspired ballad about insecurity and jealousy in a relationship. Together, they span the diverse pop spectrum Britney has covered in her career, but still manage to be fresh and unlike anything the singer has put out before or anything you're likely to hear on the radio.

The next track, "It Should Be Easy", marks the third time Britney has teamed up with will.i.am. The robotic dance song is fun and surprisingly sentimental, but it also proves that the two singers are quickly becoming a tiresome duo.

The fifth song, the T.I.-assisted "Tik Tik Boom", is energizing and extremely catchy; in short, it's a true jam. When Britney harps, "Not too slow and not too quick/Baby make me tik tik boom!", the song immediately demands radio airplay. "Body Ache", crafted by David Guetta, is the perfect successor. It's a simmering mid-tempo on which Britney wants to dance to the night away.

"Til It's Gone", another top speed dance song, is probably the most forgettable song on the album, especially as it follows two prime dance tracks that leaves it in the dust. "Passenger", the guitar-driven, Katy Perry-penned track, follows. Britney letting her hair down while her lover take the wheel: "I've never been a passenger, no/But we'll see more without a map." There's so much potential in this song; not only could it be a hit single, but it could open the door for a pop-rock oriented album in the future.

One of the most bizarre tracks on the album is "Chillin' With You", Britney's duet with sister Jamie Lynn. It's equal parts synthetic and twangy, a unique combination that stands out, but probably not in the way it's supposed to. "Don't Cry", which opens with a haunting Western whistle, closes the album as Britney bids her lover a last goodbye. Still, it's hard not to think of this song as Britney's farewell to her fans. "Pack my bags, can't take no more/Adios, I'm out the door/Hide your tears and dry your eyes/Cause I don't wanna see you cry," she sings. With her Las Vegas residency, we shouldn't expect another album from Britney for another few years, but a longer hiatus wouldn't come as a surprise.

At 10 tracks, the standard edition of Britney Jean is much too short. But every song is unique in its own right, and together, they prove that a legend of Britney's standing doesn't need to cater to the demands of the beat-hungry public. This isn't the album of a pop star, this is the album of a true artist.

Jam of the Week: "Unconditionally" by Katy Perry

 
Katy Perry's third album (fourth, if you count her Jesus freak album that sold 100 copies) Prism drops tomorrow, and while lead single "Roar" quickly lost its novelty and promo tracks like "Dark Horse" and "Walking On Air" failed to impress altogether, the latest song to debut off the album has just what it takes to be a Jam of the Week.

"Unconditionally", said to have been inspired by John Mayer, is all about loving someone uninhibitedly. As per usual, Katy hardly offers anything new or groundbreaking, but it's still a fun song to listen to! Unfortunately, the amazing song comes coupled with a ratchet lyric video that's trying too hard to be simplistic and lesbian-friendly. Just ignore that and focus on the music!

A Few Thoughts on the MTV Music Video Awards

This week, on "Hannah Montana"...

This year's MTV VMAs had everything. Miley Cyrus made everybody unformfortable. Lady Gaga gave everybody nightmares. And Taylor Swift told One Direction and their fans to shut the fuck up. If you're ready to get fucked in the brain, keep reading...

Chuck E. Cheese gone wild.

Miley's Just Being Miley... And the Smith Family Isn't Having It

Miley Cyrus was certainly blurring lines of basic human decency when she performed not only her hit "We Can't Stop", by also accompanied Robin Thicke on "Blurred Lines". And nobody thought it was more ratchet than Will Smith and his children.

"We Can't Stop"? No, you can stop now. Thanks.

And They Weren't The Only Ones

Here are some other audience reactions to Miley's performance.

Rihanna and One Direction are unimpressed.

And Drake is bored as hell.

But Don't Worry, That Didn't Stop Miley from Doing This...

Foam finger genitalia are totally in.

Here's the Full Performance, Because Everybody Should See It

Holy shit, it's like calm the fuck down. "We Can't Stop" is supposed to be a laid back (gross people might even say "chill") song. I don't need you screaming and twerking with fucking giant pink teddy bears. You're also not black, or a man, so yes, you can indeed fucking stop.

Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Miley Cyrus

I Am Katy, Here Me Roar

I was under the impression that Katy Perry wasn't a strong live performer, but she rocked her first performance of her new hit "Roar". Wtf is a lady gaga?

Meanwhile, Lady Gaga Continues to Do Weird Shit Like This

I fucking hate her.

Macklemore Gets a Special Introduction

Even though I'm sick to fucking death of Macklemore's "Same Love", you gotta appreciate the message. And having Jason Collins, the first openly gay NBA star, introduce the song is a nice touch.

'N Sync Reunites... But It Sucks

Justin Timberlake (or the President of Pop, as we're apparently calling him) received the Michael Jackson Video Vangaurd Award, which is just the VMA's pretentious way of saying lifetime achievement aware. (Britney already won it, tbh...) And he performed a beautiful 17-minute long medley of his biggest hits, which of course took us back to 'N Sync. Lance Bass and all the other ones nobody cares about joined Justin on stage for about a minute or two to perform a half-assed version of "Bye Bye Bye". All over the world, 90s children were disappointed.

This is pretty much how long 'N Sync was on stage for.

Taylor Tells Directioners to Shut the Fuck Up

No, this is not a joke. While ex Harry Styles and the rest of One Direction were on stage presenting an award, the crowd went crazy. Taylor's reaction?

Shame on you, Miss Swift!

Why is Selena friends with this bitch again?

Jam of the Week: "Roar" by Katy Perry

Katy Perry is hanging up her colorful wigs and candy-coated gimmicks for what she promises will be a darker and more personal album. The first single, "Roar", has officially made it's debut, and although it took me a few listens to appreciate it, it's clear that this song is an absolute smash.

Cunt of the Week: Lady Gaga

Ugh. I just can't.

In the music industry, cunts are a dime a dozen. This is perhaps best illustrated by the battle for who will surpass Madonna as the Queen of Pop. While Britney is the obvious successor, basic bitches like Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Beyoncé think they stand a chance. The only person who has come close to swiping the title is none other than this Cunt of the Week, Lady Gaga.

For those of you who don't remember who Lady Gag-a is (because she's thankfully fallen of the radar in the past year or so), allow me to refresh your memory. She's Cyndi Lauper and Elton John's lovechild who grew up to become a self-important singing gypsy. Ever since she hit the music scene in 2008, she's proven to be nothing more than an absolute cunt. The biggest problem with Lady G is the fact that everybody thinks she's the fucking mecca of pop music. Her songs are so inspirational, she is so unique, and she is so talented. Except not. That is all bullshit. And here's why.

First off, she's not all that inspiring. Between P!nk raising her glass for the under dogs and Selena Gomez shutting down anybody who says you're not perfect, empowering pop anthems are an inescapable trend. Lady Gaga is perhaps the premier engineer of such tunes. "Dance in the Dark" speaks about body image, "Americana" touches upon immigration, and of course "Born This Way" is a shout-out to the gays. But at what point do these messages stop becoming meaningful and start becoming trite? I can't say for sure, but I know for fucking sure that Lady Gaga passed that point ages ago. Maybe her songs offer hope to the downtrodden, but she exploits social issues and her fanbase to make her music even more successful than it already is and das tacky. Sorry, Little Monsters, but y'all just her prop.

Secondly, Lady Gaga is a lot of things, but unique is not one of them. Sure, she may be the first person to wear a dress made out of Kermit the Frog dolls or arrive at the Grammys in a fucking egg, but her very being is a collection of shit she's stolen from other artists. From her blonde yellow hair that has been trademarked by Cyndi Lauper for decades to her music videos that scream Michael Jackson, nothing about Lady Gag-me's artistry is special. And as if I have to say it, almost every move she makes is taken from Madonna's playbook. (Please listen to "Born This Way" and then Madonna's 1989 hit "Express Yourself" to HEAR the similarities.)

Lastly, I'll evaluate Lady Gaga's talent. Sure, she has a nice voice, and she clearly knows how to pen a jam or two. But if you take away her soap box, crazy costumes, and alienating personality, her skills are underwhelming. There's nothing she can do that her peers cannot. You may say Britney is less talented, but at least she sets the trends in pop music. (Rolling Stone didn't name Blackout the most influential pop album of the past five years for shits and giggles.) Lady Gaga is always behind the curve.

Lady Gaga is not the pop engineer everybody thinks she is. In fact, she's the most reductive, redundant, irrelevant cunt on the block. I'll leave you with this graphic, which displays Lady Gaga's only lasting impact on the industry.

One list Britney will never be on.

Throwback Thursday: Tommy Picks the Best of Glee, Season 2

It was all downhill from here.

Two months ago, I compiled a list of the top ten performances from the first season of Glee and expressed my sadness over its decline in quality. Season 2, while still miles ahead of what has since followed, marked the beginning of the end of Glee in terms of story quality. However, in my opinion, the season had the best music thus far. And Darren Criss, the best thing to happen to the show and life in general, joined the series this season as Blaine. So, yeah. Like a million bonus points. Let's see what made the cut in the Best of Glee, Season 2.

10. "Dog Days Are Over" by Tina, Mercedes, and the New Directions
Normally I run for the hills when I hear Tina is getting a solo or any unwarranted screen time. But I had nothing but love for her when she and Mercedes covered Florence + The Machine's "Dog Days Are Over". It's quite thematic for the band of underdogs, and it's more than appropriate that the two soloists are the group's unsung heroes.

9. "What I Did For Love" by Rachel
It's no secret I love me a dramatic Rachel duet. So fucking holler from left to right with "What I Did For Love", originally from the musical A Chorus Line.

8. "Friday" by Artie, Sam, and Puck
Leave it to Glee to take one of the worst songs that has ever been written and turn it into something great. Rebecca Black who?

7. "Forget You" by Holly
I'm usually not one for censored songs or Gwyneth Paltrow, but for whatever reason, both worked here. Substitute teacher Holly Holiday (Paltrow) shows the kids that glee club should be fun with her family-friendly rendition of Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You".

6. "Thriller/Heads Will Roll" by the New Directions
I think everybody on the planet cringed when they heard Glee would be tackling Michael Jackson's biggest hit. They threw up upon learning that it would be mashed-up with a relatively unknown song by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But never underestimate the New Directions, because they proved nay-sayers wrong in one of their best performances of the season.

5. "Take Me or Leave Me" by Rachel and Mercedes
Mm, holler. If you know anything about me or this blog, you know that diva-offs are like CRACK. So when Rachel and Mercedes decided to settle their rivalry by singing Rent's "Take Me or Leave Me", the result was pure ecstacy.

4. "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty" by Rachel and Quinn
Quinn went the entire second season without a single solo. The closest she came was a duet with Rachel, but it was sure worth it. When Rachel contemplates getting a nose job, she asks Quinn to be model for her ideal look. And then they sang a sweet West Side Story/TLC mash-up that remains one of my favorites from the show overall.

3. "Toxic" by the New Directions
We all know I wasn't too receptive of either of Glee's tribute episodes to the great Britney Spears, but the one thing they didn't totally fuck up was their inventive arrangement of "Toxic". This is a must-hear if you're unfamiliar with it!

2. "Teenage Dream" by Blaine
There isn't a single thing about this that isn't FLAWLESS. I fucking love Blaine, I love Darren Criss, and I love Katy Perry, so this was orgasmic to me, and many others, I'm sure.

1. "Loser Like Me" by New Directions
The second season of Glee is so far the only one to feature original music. Most of these songs were either jokes ("Trouty Mouth") or throwaways ("Pretending"). But "Loser Like Me" does more than enough to prove how fun original songs can be. With themes of fighting for the underdog, this song is basically the anthem of the show and is super fun. It just had to be number one.

Musically, Glee was at its best in the second season, which made this list especially hard to compile; however, I'm fairly confident in my selections. Stay tuned for Season 3 some time down the line!

20 Things You Didn't Know About Britney Spears

Bow down.

1. For "...Baby One More Time", record label execs originally wanted an animated music video about Britney fighting robots. She told them it was a bad idea and pitched them the now-iconic Catholic school girl theme we see in the video today. Filming took place at Venice High School, where films like Grease and Heathers were also shot. Britney later called the cartoon robot idea the worst advice she's ever gotten.
2. Britney is the only person to perform live with both Madonna and Michael Jackson, and thanks to MJ kicking the bucket, she always will be.
3. The song "Umbrella" was originally written for Britney, but she rejected it and it was then given to Rihanna. (If only she took it... Would we be living in a Rihanna-less utopia today?!)
4. Britney's debut album was originally going to be similar to Sheryl Crow's music, but she ultimately decided to go in the pop direction and recorded most of ...Baby One More Time in Sweden.
5. In 2007, Britney embarked on a 6-date House of Blues concert tour under the pseudonym of The M+Ms. Once the public learned that the act was Britney, all the shows sold out. Tickets originally cost $35 but were scalped for as much as $500. Britney's set contained five songs. That's right! People coughed up half a grand to see the queen perform for 13 minutes!
6. Britney was in talks to join a girl group called Innosense when she was signed as a solo artist in 1997 instead. (wtf is innosence?)
7. Released during her highly publicized meltdown, Blackout is one of Britney's most critically-acclaimed albums and her only one to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It is also the album over which she had the most creative control, as she served as executive producer. #Blackout2.0
8. Before she was Lady Gaga, Stefani Germanotta was a songwriter for Britney, who recorded "Telephone" for her sixth album Circus but ultimately decided not to use it. So basically one of Lady G's biggest songs is a Britney leftover. Love it!
9. Britney's third album was self-titled because the singer said it reflected where she was in her life at the time; however, as Britney's release coincided with that of her film Crossroads, it was used as a de facto soundtrack for the movie. As a result, much of the album's personal material was scrapped in favor of songs that appeared in the film, such as the cover of "I Love Rock N Roll".
10. Britney was originally considered for the role of Daisy Duke in the film adaptation of The Dukes of Hazzard, but it ultimately went to Jessica Simpson. Thank God. That movie was a train wreck.
11. During the four years between In The Zone and Blackout, Britney recorded an entire album entitled The Original Doll. However, the album, which would have contained stripped down songs, was shelved for unknown reasons.
12. Britney's sons, Sean and Jayden, have been nicknamed French Fry and Tater Tot by the media.
13. Britney was the inspiration for the film Country Star, which chronicles the comeback of a fallen country star.
14. ClearChannel, the largest owner of radio stations in America, was so disgruntled when Britney chose Pepsi to sponsor her Dream Within a Dream tour over them that they banned her music from its stations for several years. For this reason, many of Britney's singles underperformed; she did not follow-up 1998's "...Baby One More Time" with another #1 in the U.S. until "Womanizer" ten years later.
15. Britney wrote "Everytime" after seeing ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake's music video for "Cry Me a River", which features a Spears lookalike.
16. "Hold It Against Me" was originally written with Katy Perry in mind, until songwriters Max Martin and Dr. Luke decided it was better suited for Britney.
17. Britney was the sixth person to reach 10 million followers on Twitter.
18. Britney's film Crossroads was written by Shonda Rhymes, who later went on to create Grey's Anatomy.
19. Like many celebrities, Britney often travels under fake names. Some of these have included Mrs. Diana Prince, Queen of the Fairy Dance, and Mrs. Abra Cadabra.
20. Britney's debut album was originally going to be self-titled, but Jive Records wanted to capitalize on the success its lead single, "...Baby One More Time", was experiencing by naming the album after it. Oops!... I Did It Again was originally called Sunflower but was changed for the same reason. (Bonus: the reason "...Baby One More Time" appears as it does is because Jive feared that its full title, "Hit Me Baby One More Time", would be misconstrued as domestic violence.)