Bitch of the Week: The High School Musical Golden Trio

Bitches on parade.

What time is it? Bitch of the Week time! Or in this case, bitches of the week. That's right: this time around, Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, and Ashley Tisdale are working hand-in-hand to prove that sometimes the best bitchery comes from teamwork.

High School Musical is credited for many things, including boosting Disney Channel to a new level of popularity, making musicals cool again, and for defining tween pop culture for three years. Everybody loved the trilogy, and if you didn't, well you can just go fuck yourself. Most notably, however, the film series launched the careers of the three aforementioned bitches. (Wtf is a corbin bleu?) They were so influential for like 3 years, and while their respective careers may have fizzled out, their bitchery has remained in tact. Let's take a closer look at the individuals.

Just Zac.

Zac Efron
Well, fuck. All you have to do is look at Zac Efron to know why he is just all kinds of right. Disney Channel's first legit heartthrob, Zac could spend the rest of his life getting by on his looks. Even though that would be the bitchy thing to do, he's committed to his craft, which I guess is pretty respectable. He tries his best to be a dramatic actor while still playing to an audience of teenagers and desperate single women in their late 20s. That's how he ended up in a Nicholas Sparks movie. As far as I'm concerned, Zac can do whatever the hell he wants and I'll still buy a ticket.

The good guy also knows who he is and has stood by his morals while dealing with a little thing called fame. "I'll never try to put on a fake image," he has said. "I'm just Zac." Oh, and that's all we want you to be, Zac! Mr. Efron has a lot of courage, braving criticisms on his legitimacy as an actor as well as rampant gay rumors in order to star in all three High School Musical films, as well as Hairspray. You have to respect a bitch who doesn't take shit from anybody else.

Vanessa Hudgens
Mmhmm, I know what you're thinking. But no, this is not a mistake. Baby V will not be getting Cunt of the Week, despite the fact that her name is listed in the thesaurus as a synonym for cunt. Because of her tireless contributions to the best musical trilogy in history, I'll spin her cuntitude into bitchery. For starters, Vanessa had to have done something right to land Zac Efron. She's pretty and all, but also whiny as fuck. Or so it appears. And she's like not a real person. I remember reading interviews with all the stars of the film. They were asked what their favorite food was. While most answered sushi or pizza, Vanessa answered Flaming Hot Cheetos. Um... Well, alright.

Bitch or cunt?

Then there's the whole nude picture thing. That was totally fine. She apologized, so it was like whatever. It was for Zac, meant to be private, etc. Then it happened again. This is when, like a true bitch, she claimed the photos were taken when she was underage and had that shit taken down. Ladies and gents, that's the way to handle a nude photo scandal!

Personally, I think V is just the ultimate troll. She just does shit for the sake of stirring the pot, which is a total bitch thing to do. The key to accepting Vanessa as a bitch is to just find the humor in what she does and says. For example:

• On her career ambitions: "I'd like to win an Oscar."
• On her hobbies: "I just love lip gloss."
• On fashion: "I love funky styles. Not preppy or rock, just funky!"
• On her fans: "Right now, I do not like kids at all. I mean, I love my fans and everything, but when you have kids following you around all day, it's like, "Ugh, kids!" Maybe that will change when I get older."

Other bitches ain't shit.

Ashley Tisdale
Ah, yes. Ashley Tisdale, my personal fave of the bunch. Where to start with Ashley? Real talk: For about a year, I was a Tizbyterian, meaning I followed Ashley Tisdale religiously. I thought she was just the greatest thing since sliced bread. And who can blame me? She was the best thing about The Suite Life, and she played Sharpay Evans in HSM, and that's about as bitchy as Disney will let you get. Then she proceeded to launch a music career with jams such as "He Said She Said", "Be Good To Me", and "It's Alright, It's OK". There was no shortage of reasons to convert. I even devoted part of a fucking school project to her.

Since then, however, I got over it. #Britneyology This is mostly because the Tiz has made some rather unfortunate career decisions. Hellcats, anybody? And she also abandoned her music career to focus on acting, which is like Santa getting high on meth on Christmas instead of delivering presents. Still, Ashley retains the bitchiness that made me fall in love with her in the first place, so we good now. Here are some fun quotes illustrating her bitchiness:

• "I don't drink and I don't smoke. It's a personal preference."
• "I love pink, it's so girly!"
• "Zac Efron would make us feel guilty for eating big dinners. He'd say 'Do you really want to eat all those carbs?' It was like, thanks a lot!" (Oh Zac, you bitch!)

So while these three stars' career may have wavered, and while we'll probably never get High School Musical: The College Years, it's safe to say Zac, Vanessa, and Ashley will always be the G-rated bitches they were meant to be. Or R-rated, in Vanessa's case.