2013: A Year in Review

As we close out another year, it's important to celebrate the past twelve months we've spent with Tommy Time. Without further ado, here are your Jam of the Year, Cunt of the Year, and Bitch of the Year for 2013, as voted by you faithful readers...

Jam of the Year

It's no surprise that One Direction takes home the title, but it's puzzling that their new singles "Best Song Ever" and "Story of My Life", which were both nominated, were beat out by this album cut. Still, "Rock Me" is an epic and timeless jam full of thinly-veiled sexual innuendos. Doing us dirty proud, boys!

Cunt of the Year

Lady Gaga is, without a doubt, the biggest cunt in the music industry. Thankfully, you all recognized it. Together, we saw through the elaborate makeup, meat dresses, and equality anthems and saw this mediocre song-stealer for what she truly is. May all of Artpop's commercial and critical shortcomings haunt Lady Gag-me for all eternity.

Bitch of the Year

It's with an almost prohibitive reluctance that I thrust this honorable title among Jennifer Lawrence. As the comments on her Bitch of the Week post indicate, many readers fail to understand that the title is a sacred and celebratory one. Thus, I have no idea how those who voted for JLaw actually feel about her. That issue aside, Jennifer's saucy attitude and legend-in-the-making status are more than enough to secure the title. Well done!

And now, just for the sake of nostalgia, here are the most-viewed Tommy Time posts from 2013.

1. Where Are They Now?: Christy Carlson Romano
2. 20 Things You Didn't Know About Beverly Hills, 90210
3. Cunt of the Week: Justin Bieber
4. Bitch of the Week: Jennifer Lawrence
5. 20 Things You Didn't Know About Friends
6. Where Are They Now?: Lalaine
7. Bitch of the Week: Daisy Duck
8. Demi Lovato: Not a Cunt, Not Yet a Bitch
9. This or That: Selena Gomez vs. Demi Lovato
10. Go Call the Po-Lice! Go Call the Guv-uh-nuh! BRITNEY IS BACK TO WORK, BITCH!!!

2012: A Year in Review

Only three months young, Tommy Time has succeeded in becoming, in short, the bee's knees. I'll continue to treat its short time online as an entire year as I review the blog's triumphs in 2012. First, without further ado, the recipients of the Jam of the Year, Cunt of the Year, and Bitch of the Year awards, as voted by you!

Jam of the Year

For nearly three years, Ke$ha has been inspiring us to live life, drink Jack Daniels, and deck ourselves in glitter. In her latest smash hit, she reminds us to make the most of the present as if we're gonna die young. Given that we just survived a Mayan apocalypse, I can think of no better song worthy of Jam of the Year than "Die Young".

Cunt of the Year

 

Because the possession of cuntitude is only achieved by the world's most depraved, unstable individuals, it truly is hard to single out any one cunt. They're truly in a degenerate league of their own. You, my faithful readers, understand this, as you've selected not one, but TWO Cunts of the Year: Rihanna and Taylor Swift. We can only hope this isn't a sign that they will join forces and make 2013 a living hell for everyone.

Bitch of the Year

 

Best known for playing the fictional bitch Kelly Taylor in Beverly Hills, 90210, real-life bitch Jennie Garth has perfected the art of bitchery. Between on-set catfights and passive aggressive comments in the media, it's no wonder Jennie was not only the first Bitch of the Week, but 2012's Bitch of the Year, too. Well done, J!

Lastly, just for fun, I've compiled a list of the ten Tommy Time posts that have attracted the most traffic in the past three months. It's no surprise that people be lovin' them bitches and cunts of the week!

1. Bitch of the Week: Blair Waldorf
2. Cunt of the Week: Katherine Heigl the Ungrateful
3. Cunt of the Week: Christina Aguilera
4. Bitch of the Week: The High School Musical Golden Trio
5. Bitch of the Week: Jennie Garth, Queen of 9021-Oh Snap!
6. Bitch of the Week: Santana Lopez
7. Bitch of the Week: Emma Stone
8. Throwback Thursday: Tommy Picks the Best Songs by Disney Channel Stars
9. Tommy Picks 5 Sings Who Should Have Christmas Albums
10. Happy Birthday to Britney Spears: An Official Tommy Time Holiday

Have a safe and happy New Year!