Tommy Picks 20 Things to Look Forward to in 2014

Happy New Year, everyone! As we herald in 2014, and hopefully get over everything that was wrong with last year, it's important that we embrace what lies ahead. After all, there's so much to look forward to in 2014, like...

1. Orange Is the New Black. Was last season's cliffhanger juicy or what?
2. Carrie Underwood's fifth album. There's no confirmation of a 2014 release, but the Queen of Country has said that her post-Sound of Music days will be devoted to working on new material.
3. The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay - Part I. Hopefully it continues the pattern and is even better than Catching Fire.
4. Possible reunions. The possibilities are endless and the rumors are rampant. I'd love to see fabulous reunions for Mean Girls, Desperate Housewives, Beverly Hills, 90210, and, of course, Friends.
5. Lea Michele's debut album.
6. Lana Del Rey's third album, UltraViolence.
7. Maleficent. It may star a former Cunt of the Week, and the trailer may have been disappointing, but everybody loves a Disney fairytale turned on its side!
8. Second rate Disney stars' return to music. 2013 was the year of Miley, Selena, and Demi. If rumors and vague statements are to be believed, 2014 may be the year of Ashley Tisdale and Hilary Duff.
9. Britney: Piece of Me. Vegas, here I come!
10. Noah. Even though I'm not really into Biblical stuff.
11. Darren Criss' debut album.
12. Girls. And Looking, which is touted as the Girls for gays.
13. The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Superhero films may bore me, but the first film in the Spider-Man reboot series was good enough to leave me wanting more. Plus I love me some Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone!
14. Pretty Little Liars. Now that we now EzrA's little secret, things are about to heat up!
15. The Muppets Most Wanted.
16. Seeing if the Superbowl is rescheduled because of snow.
17. Serena. This mysterious Depression-era film, which once again pairs Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, has been quietly shelved many times, but will finally see its release this April. That doesn't bode well for its quality, but I'm still intrigued.
18. The inevitable break-up of One Direction's Zayn Malik and his fiancée Perrie Edwards. I will NOT let them get married.
19. Big Hero 6. It will be interesting to see how Disney animation handles superheroes.
20. Most importantly, all'a dis.

A Few Thoughts on the Teen Choice Awards

I could cry at this glory.

The Teen Choice Awards are my absolute jam, simply because they pay tribute to the glossy, trashy pop culture that I find so appealing. This year's ceremony was especially enticing, for a myriad of reasons, which I will get into after the jump! #TearsForLeaAhead

Hosted by Teen Royalty
Fucking holla for whoever came up will the totally brill idea of having Darren Criss and Lucy Hale host the Teen Choice Awards. I can't think of a more attractive and charismatic pair of hosts, and I definitely think they should date each other (lest Darren come out of the closet and make all my dreams come true).

Harry Styles Gives Miley a Run for Her Money
Miley Cyrus may have been one of the first major celebrities to twerk what she's got, but it's clear that One Direction's Harry Styles is the true master of the art form.

Whistle while you twerk.

Rebel Wilson Rebels Against the Censors

Rebel Wilson is pretty much always flawless, and continued to be so when she accepted her award for Choice Comedy Movie Actress in a wetsuit. But the best part was when girlfriend made the following joke: "You know what's weird? When I found out that there was a band called One Direction, because that's the name I also gave my a--hole." Priceless.

Next year's host?

Demi Salutes the Stars and Stripes
"Made In the USA" is definitely one of the best jams off of Demi's most recent album, so I was so excited to hear her perform it live. Not only did she kill it, but she was assisted by drummer Nick Jonas, who has spent these past few Disney-free years solidifying his hunk status.

Ashton Kutcher Redefines Sexy... Literally
The always arrogant but always delicious Ashton Kutcher was the recipient of the Ultimate Choice Award, which he joked was "the grandpa award." While giving his tips for success, he said: "The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart, and being thoughtful, and being generous. Everything else is crap, I promise you! It's just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less, so don't buy it." #PreachIt

  
Miley Cyrus Practically Strip Teases Before Accepting Her Award
When Miley won Choice Summer Song for "We Can't Stop", she apparently thought she was allowed to take her time. Not only does she drag little sis Noah on stage with her, but Miley danced for her fans before finally slinking her way to the mic to accept the award. It's hard to believe that only 4 years ago, she was pole dancing to "Party in the USA" at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards.

Lea Michele Dedicates Her Award to Cory
Making her first public appearance since Cory Monteith's death last month, Lea Michele accepted her award for Choice TV Actress in a Comedy. Not only did she look great, but she bravely and beautifully sang the praises of her late boyfriend, and I'll bet there wasn't a dry eye in the house!

It was a night of laughs, tears, and wtf's. But it was beautiful.

Throwback Thursday: Tommy Picks the Best of Glee, Season 3

Remember when the main cast had 400 people in it?

In the past few months, I've selected the best Glee performances of Seasons 1 and 2, and with the third season just around the corner, it's high time to continue the praise. The show's third season was more Broadway-heavy than its predecessors, but that doesn't mean there weren't some absolute jams. In fact, some of my favorite Glee songs come from this season. (The fact that Blaine sang like everything didn't hurt, either!) So let's delve into the Best of Glee, Season 3!



10. "Smooth Criminal" by Santana & Sebastian
After Madonna, Britney Spears, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Fleetwood Mac got tribute episodes, it was only a matter of time that Michael Jackson would get his due. With an inflated number of musical performances (9 in just the one episode), the episode was sloppy and out of fucking control. But one thing did come out it. Santana had a sing-off with Warbler Sebastian and the result was a fantastic cover of my favorite MJ song, "Smooth Criminal".

9. "Fix You" by Will & the New Directions
Every time Glee touches Coldplay, it turns to gold. They tackled one of the band's biggest hits as Will proclaims hit love and devotion to Emma. And even though Mr. Schue barely gets to sing, he always hits it out of the park!

8. "Shake It Out" by Santana, Mercedes, & Tina
Because Glee doesn't like to leave any social issue untouched, they decided to incorporate domestic violence into a storyline. Coach Bieste, who is, to quote Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, roughly the size of a barge, is the victim of such abuse. Santana, Mercedes, and Tina figure that if they sing her a stripped down version of a Florence + the Machine song, everything will work out. The lesson is horrible, but the acoustic performance of "Shake It Out" is flawless.

7. "Cry" by Rachel
In Season 3, Rachel learned that she may not be as talented and confident as she thought after blowing her NYADA audition. To express her melancholy, Rachel sings a little known Kelly Clarkson song.

6. "Tongue Tied" by New Directions
One of the rare instances when the glee club doesn't perform a song onscreen, their rendition of "Tongue Tied" plays as the New Directions celebrate their win at Nationals. The song is perfect and features one of Cory Monteith's best vocal performances on the show.

5. "Roots Before Branches" by Rachel
Rachel solos are my absolute jam, so naturally I was pleased when Season 3 ended with one of Lea Michele's most powerful performances. After Finn breaks up with her for her own good, she bids Lima, Ohio goodbye and hops aboard a train to New York.

4. "Without You" by Rachel
Yup, another Rachel solo! Sorry about it, but this is absolutely flawless. David Guetta and Usher's "Without You" is already a jam, but take away the dance beat and let Lea Michele do her thing, and you have life.

3. "Rumour Has It/Someone Like You" by the Troubletones
Perhaps the biggest highlight of Season 3 was the storyline in which those members of New Directions who felt unappreciated split off and formed an all-girl rival club, the Troubletones. And who can forget their memorable mash-up of Adele's "Rumour Has It" and "Someone Like You"? Certainly not me.

2. "We Are Young" by New Directions
When the aforementioned Troubletones disbanded and rejoined the New Directions, they sang "We Are Young". Glee covered the song before the original version hit airwaves; in fact, Fun's version wouldn't have been successful if it weren't for this performance. What's more, Glee did it better.

1. "Cough Syrup" by Blaine
This is quite possibly my favorite Glee performance ever. Darren Criss' voice doesn't always hit its mark, but "Cough Syrup" is exemplary of just how good he can be. So just bask in all it's glory. (Fair warning: Blaine's performance is intercut with scenes a suicide attempt.)

The third season was hot mess, but it was filled with so many jams. I think this list accurately highlights the strongest performances. Stay tuned for the Best of Season 4 soon!

Throwback Thursday: Tommy Picks the Best of Glee, Season 2

It was all downhill from here.

Two months ago, I compiled a list of the top ten performances from the first season of Glee and expressed my sadness over its decline in quality. Season 2, while still miles ahead of what has since followed, marked the beginning of the end of Glee in terms of story quality. However, in my opinion, the season had the best music thus far. And Darren Criss, the best thing to happen to the show and life in general, joined the series this season as Blaine. So, yeah. Like a million bonus points. Let's see what made the cut in the Best of Glee, Season 2.

10. "Dog Days Are Over" by Tina, Mercedes, and the New Directions
Normally I run for the hills when I hear Tina is getting a solo or any unwarranted screen time. But I had nothing but love for her when she and Mercedes covered Florence + The Machine's "Dog Days Are Over". It's quite thematic for the band of underdogs, and it's more than appropriate that the two soloists are the group's unsung heroes.

9. "What I Did For Love" by Rachel
It's no secret I love me a dramatic Rachel duet. So fucking holler from left to right with "What I Did For Love", originally from the musical A Chorus Line.

8. "Friday" by Artie, Sam, and Puck
Leave it to Glee to take one of the worst songs that has ever been written and turn it into something great. Rebecca Black who?

7. "Forget You" by Holly
I'm usually not one for censored songs or Gwyneth Paltrow, but for whatever reason, both worked here. Substitute teacher Holly Holiday (Paltrow) shows the kids that glee club should be fun with her family-friendly rendition of Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You".

6. "Thriller/Heads Will Roll" by the New Directions
I think everybody on the planet cringed when they heard Glee would be tackling Michael Jackson's biggest hit. They threw up upon learning that it would be mashed-up with a relatively unknown song by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But never underestimate the New Directions, because they proved nay-sayers wrong in one of their best performances of the season.

5. "Take Me or Leave Me" by Rachel and Mercedes
Mm, holler. If you know anything about me or this blog, you know that diva-offs are like CRACK. So when Rachel and Mercedes decided to settle their rivalry by singing Rent's "Take Me or Leave Me", the result was pure ecstacy.

4. "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty" by Rachel and Quinn
Quinn went the entire second season without a single solo. The closest she came was a duet with Rachel, but it was sure worth it. When Rachel contemplates getting a nose job, she asks Quinn to be model for her ideal look. And then they sang a sweet West Side Story/TLC mash-up that remains one of my favorites from the show overall.

3. "Toxic" by the New Directions
We all know I wasn't too receptive of either of Glee's tribute episodes to the great Britney Spears, but the one thing they didn't totally fuck up was their inventive arrangement of "Toxic". This is a must-hear if you're unfamiliar with it!

2. "Teenage Dream" by Blaine
There isn't a single thing about this that isn't FLAWLESS. I fucking love Blaine, I love Darren Criss, and I love Katy Perry, so this was orgasmic to me, and many others, I'm sure.

1. "Loser Like Me" by New Directions
The second season of Glee is so far the only one to feature original music. Most of these songs were either jokes ("Trouty Mouth") or throwaways ("Pretending"). But "Loser Like Me" does more than enough to prove how fun original songs can be. With themes of fighting for the underdog, this song is basically the anthem of the show and is super fun. It just had to be number one.

Musically, Glee was at its best in the second season, which made this list especially hard to compile; however, I'm fairly confident in my selections. Stay tuned for Season 3 some time down the line!

Bitch of the Week: Darren Criss

Bitchin' shades for a bitchin' Bitch of the Week.

The Bitch of the Week list is, contrary to what some basic and illiterate dumbasses think, an honor. It's an incredibly prestigious and selective collection of life's biggest badasses. God was having a good day when bitches like Jennie Garth, Kourtney Kardashian, and Chelsea Handler were born.

That said, every once in a while, even amongst the greatest bitches of all time and space, one individual somehow stands out. Darren Criss is that individual. And rather than attempt to fully articulate what makes him one of my personal favorite BOWs, I think it would be most effective to just list 'em. Let us count the ways.

• He makes Glee bearable. The show is currently a hot mess with a nice piece of eye candy who can sing like a canary. Without Darren, it would just be a hot mess.
• Every inch of him is perfection.
• He loves Disney, even enough to frequently cover "Part of Your World" at his concerts.
• He is incredibly generous with time when it comes to his fans.
• He's the mastermind behind the Harry Potter musical thing. Personally, dgaf. But it seems to bring people joy, so...
• He speaks Italian.
• He gave "Teenage Dream" new life.
• Before he was famous, he lived in San Francisco and Hawaii. And in case you're wondering, the ethnic combination that created his beauty is Chinese, Spanish, Filipino, and Irish.
• He does way more for the gay community that Chris Colfer (Kurt on Glee), who's actually gay.
• His talents are boundless. He plays basically every instrument and he's even on Broadway!
• He wears bow ties (only on Glee, but still). But he's a pretty swanky dresser in real life, too.
• He's not afraid to act a fool.
• He will star in Girl Most Likely with Kristen Wiig, which is like a wild fantasy come true.

If you're still not convinced...

How can you say no to this face?

Let's get some quotes up in this bitch, shall we?

• At the Deathly Hallows premiere: "There's been a terrible mistake. Someone really screwed up and let my nutty ass in here."
• On Kardashian Konfidential: "The Kardashians have a book? What the fuck?" (Clearly, he wasn't balking at the concept of the Kardashians as writers, but rather he was scandalized that he wasn't in the know about his fellow BOWs' projects.)
• On his amazing bod: "I feel bad for people who don't have my body."
• On the color purple: "Whether you're gay, straight, purple, orange, or dinosaur. I don't care."
• On... Well, I'm not sure: "Ahoy, everybody! Hello, um... This is Darren Criss and I just wanted to let you know that you're listening to... Fuck, what was it called?"

And there we have it. A bitch of a different hue. Don't worry, I'll resume to honoring classical bitches soon enough, but I felt like it was really important to get Darren Criss in on this action. Have a bitchin' weeking, everyone. And remember...