20 Things You Didn't Know About Gossip Girl

xoxo.

1. The Gossip Girl book series was originally going to be adapted into a movie starring Lindsay Lohan, but it never materialized, which is when Stephanie Savage and Josh Schwartz took over the project and developed it for television. Schwartz, who had just come off of The OC, was skeptical about making another teen drama, but he was attracted to telling the stories of Upper East Side teens, who he deemed were "worldlier" than those in Orange County.
2. Blake Lively and Penn Badgley were home schooled together as children. Their on-screen romance as Serena and Dan led to an a real-life relationship, which ended while their characters were still involved. #awkward
3. Leighton Meester, a natural blonde, was not allowed to audition for Blair until she dyed her hair brown.
4. Ed Westwick originally read for the role of Nate Archibald, but was flawlessly cast as Chuck Bass instead. Chace Crawford was then cast as Nate. The CW was against hiring Ed at all, insisting that he looked more like a serial killer than a romantic lead.
5. Kristen Bell didn't audition to voice Gossip Girl. Instead, she simply called the producers and told them she wanted the part. And nobody says no to Veronica Mars.
6. Penn openly admits to having originally turned down the role of Dan Humphrey before eventually accepting it. He also didn't like to memorize his lines, which must have made him a joy to work with.
7. Despite being one of the CW's most successful shows ever, Gossip Girl initially pulled in disappointing numbers. However, it was the first show to point out the changing landscape of television, as it almost doubled its ratings with DVR viewings and it routinely topped the iTunes episode charts.
8. The show filmed in Paris on several occasions. The CW initially warned against this, as the show wasn't popular in Europe and was in danger of being taken off the airwaves.
9. Blake and Leighton had a notoriously bad relationship, taking their onscreen frenemyship to the real world! Not surprisingly, the reports stem from the series' very obvious shift in focus from Blake's Serena to Leighton's Blair. #ShannenAndJennyProblems
10. The Parent Television Council, which specializes in ruining everyone's fun, often targeted Gossip Girl, especially during its first season. So what did the show do in response? It took quotes from the PTC's criticisms, like "Mind-blowingly inappropriate" and "Every parent's nightmare," and used them in the second season's promotional campaign.
11. It was heavily reported that Taylor Momsen would be given her own spin-off, as her character Jenny Humphrey fronted The It Girl novel series. But really, the exact opposite happened. The CW didn't pick up the spin-off, and Taylor only appeared in a handful of episodes during the show's fourth season before leaving altogether to focus on her music career.
12. The second season, "Valley Girls", which focused on Lily van der Woodsen's teenage exploits in 1980s California, was a backdoor pilot for a potential spin-off that was never picked up. The episode starred Brittany Snow as the teenaged version of the character, and the spin-off would have featured younger characters of characters from The OC, officially linking Schwartz's two shows.
13. Cecily von Ziegesar, the author of the novelist, criticized Vanessa as "the one character [the show] ruined." While the novel depicts her as bald and wearing all black, the show portrayed her as an annoying, self-righteous hipster.
14. Connor Paolo, who played Eric van der Woodsen, repeatedly rejected producers' offers to become a series regular for personal reasons. He appeared as a recurring guest star for the first four seasons before leaving the show to star in Revenge.
15. Mischa Barton was originally offered the role of Georgina, whose last name was changed to Sparks from Spark in the novels. Michelle Trachtenberg was cast in the role and would become a critics' favorite. Aside from the main cast, she is the only character to appear in all the season finales.
16. January 26, 2012 in Gossip Girl Day in New York. No, this is not a joke. Mayor Bloomberg visited the set and proclaimed the date as such, commending the cast and crew for glamorizing showcasing the city so well.
17. Kaycee DeFer originally auditioned for Raina Thorpe before she was cast as the UES's resident cunt, Ivy Dickens.
18. William Balding, who played William van der Woodsen, avoided meeting Blake in person until they filmed their first scene, so that they could better depict their characters' estranged father-daughter relationship.
19. In the books, Eric is Serena's older womanizing brother who rarely appears. In the show, he's introduced as Serena's younger suicidal brother. Toward the end of the first season, Georgina accidentally outs him as being gay.
20. The writers never planned to reveal Gossip Girl's identity, which may be why the series finale's revelation of Dan as the anonymous blogger is completely implausible. (Look it up on Tumblr. Hardcore fans have a million and one reasons why it's just not possible.) In fact, when pilot test audiences suspected that Dan was Gossip Girl, the episode was re-edited, not because producers wanted to protect the secret, but because they never intended for Dan to be GG in the first place! Penn himself was not informed about his character's alter ego until the night before he film the scene. (Side note: Georgina and Serena each have their turn as Gossip Girl during the fifth season.)

Why Lindsay Lohan Will Never Be Cunt of the Week

It's like the evolution of mankind.

This week, Lindsay Lohan made headlines for actually showing up to her interview with David Letterman, because after six arrests, a few theft accusations, countless hospitalizations and trips to rehab, and an atrocious cameo on Glee, it's breaking news if Lilo is doing something right for a change.

Many have wondered why Lindsay, in all her infamy, hasn't gotten Cunt of the Week yet. (I mean, she's basically like the original Amanda Bynes.) She's definitely been on the short list for some time, but the simple truth is I just cannot bring myself to give her the title. Why?

Maybe I'm nostalgic. Between Mean Girls, The Parent Trap, and Get a Clue, Lilo has provided our generation with many classics. Maybe I take pity on her. In all honesty, making fun of Lindsay Lohan in such a way would be like asking Helen Keller to sort marbles by color. But I think the real reason she will never be Cunt of the Week is because I still have HOPE that she can turn her shit around.

In the aforementioned David Letterman interview, Lindsay was, by no stretch of the imagination, her old self, but she was humorous and willing to make fun of herself. And though she called herself a "victim" at one point, she took responsibility for her troubles and said she considered her impending trip to rehab (May 2, y'all) a "blessing." Whether or not she's telling the truth remains to be seen, but I'd like to think that she is!

Or maybe she's just a better actress than we thought.

Nah. We've all seen Liz & Dick.

Tommy Picks 20 Things to Look Forward to in 2013

Ring it in!

Well, it's officially 2013. I've already posted a list of 20 things we need to get the fuck over as we leave 2012 behind. So now, on a more positive note, I've listed 20 things to look forward to for the next 12 months.

1. Britney Spears. Album 8. It's confirmed.
2. The Kimye Baby
3. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosting the Golden Globes
4. Oz: The Great and Powerful
5. 20-year high school reunion for the original Beverly Hills, 90210 gang. Make it happen. #TeamKelly
6. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
7. The Miley Cyrus/Liam Hemsworth Wedding
8. One Direction's world tour. Am I going as of yet? No. Would I kill to go? Probably.
9. The return of Pretty Little Liars
10. The Man of Steel
11. Watching laughing at The Carrie Diaries as it falls flat on its ass
12. Gangster Squad. Love me some Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone!
13. Stricter gun control and gay marriage errywhere. (I know, serious things? #ugh)
14. Ryan Reynolds and anything he does.
15. Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey catfights on American Idol
16. Seeing if Amanda Bynes' hit-and-runs outnumber Lindsay Lohan's arrests
17. Saving Mr. Banks. Tom Hanks plays Walt Disney. #sold
18. Albums 4 from Miley, Demi, Selena, and Hilary. Let's make it a fucking jam-packed year, ladies!
19. The Great Gatsby
20. Most importantly, this (hopefully) happening.

Happy New Year!!!

Tommy Picks 20 Things to Get Over for 2013

The epitome of what to get over for 2013. And yes, this
picture is recent.

With the new year rapidly approaching and everybody deluding themselves into thinking they'll actually make some kind of major change to their lives, I think it's time to establish what we all need to just be over by the time 2013 is here. I've compiled a list of such things.

1.  Gangnam Style. Not sure why this was ever a thing, but let's just chalk it up to one of the several mistakes humanity blindly committed in 2012.
2. Taylor Swift. And whoever she's dating.
3. Yolo. If I hear it again, your one life won't last for much longer.
4. Your ex. Holy shit, I don't want to hear it anymore.
5. The world ending. I'm not putting up with this "Oh, now the world is gonna end in 2015" bullshit! The world didn't end. We're all still here. Hooray. Now shut the fuck up already!
6. Fifty Shades of Grey. Totally over it. Was never into it.
7. Rihanna. She'll likely release 3 new albums and countless singles this next year. Let's not give her any more #1s, okay? Similarly, she and Chris Brown will probably break-up and make-up 14 times. Let's not care, okay?
8. Pinterest. Face it, you're not as healthy, skinny, active, interesting, fashionable, funny, or unique as you think you are.
9. Vampires. With the Twilight saga finally behind us, let's finally abolish vampires from pop culture and end this morbid and nonsensical obsession with bloodsuckers once and for all. (Note: This does not apply to True Blood. That will forever be the only exception.)
10. Lindsay Lohan. Personal note to Lilo: Let's try not to get arrested this year.
11. "Call Me Maybe". It's not funny anymore.
12. Emma Watson. What the fuck, you guys. She's not that great.
13. Channing Tatum. For the same reasons as #12.
14. Honey Boo Boo. Remember when reality television was dominated by the Kardashians and a band of pregnant teenagers (sometimes, it was hard to tell the difference between the two.) Let's bring that back!
15. Miley Cyrus' hair. She's just being Miley!
16. Celebrity sex tapes. Unless this is one featuring Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, no one cares.
17. "Jennifer Aniston's pregnant with Brad's triplets! Shocking details of the affair and her marriage to Justin to cover it up! Plus, what Courteney Cox has to say about it!" No.
18. Obama's nationality.
19. Singing competition shows. Unless Britney is a judge.
20. The Royal Family.

So there you have it. This year, don't make your New Year's resolution some diet or personal growth you can't possibly achieve; rather, vow to get over everything on this list. Then maybe, just maybe, there will peace on Earth at last.

Review: Liz & Dick

Is she high? They can't even photoshop her to sobriety.

This past holiday weekend, I gave thanks to Lifetime for providing me with the opportunity to watch Lindsay Lohan make her comeback in the highly coveted role of Elizabeth Taylor. You see, sometime last year, LizzieTay said, "It's my dream to have my life's story told on the silver screen with the aid of the most talented and respected actors Hollywood has to offer." So Lifetime, known for its cinematic mastery, said okay and cast Lilo, who is known the world over for her refined acting skill, reliability, and clean bill of health. And then Elizabeth Taylor died.

The film chronicles the controversial marriage of Taylor and Richard Burton (Grant Bowler), starting with their affair on the set of Cleopatra. What follows is an epic shitshow, with choppy scenes, crappy writing, and cringe-worthy acting. Lindsay did her best to keep Liz's faint British accent, but she couldn't stop herself from slipping back into her natural husky valley girl voice that kind of makes you wish the last Rihanna song you heard just annihilated your ability to hear once and for all. And while Richard was an actor trained in Shakespearean theater, I don't he really talked like he was from the fucking 1400s. "I've got an entire ocean in you." Yuck! The only thing you have with Lindsay is a brick of cocaine. #SorryBoutIt

As Elizabeth and Richard's affair progresses, they break ties with their respective spouses, which prompts Richard's wife to attempt suicide and guilt him into staying with her. So what does Lindsay as Liz do? The same thing. "I won't live without you!" she screams as she downs a handful of sleeping pills with a vodka chaser. "This shouldn't take too long." Nice.

Later, Liz takes a break from both her career and the affair. While attempting to bond with her children, she just screams, out of nowhere, "I'm bored! I'M SO BORED!" It truly is amazing how eloquently she conveyed the audience's opinions. And from there, everything is kind of a blur. At one point, Liz & Dick are living on a boat, slipping deeper into alcoholism, and calling each other fat (or, more specifically, "Miss Pudgy Digits"). They get divorced and then remarried in Botswana. And then divorced again.

Oh, and then this happened. Lol at the shitty aging make-up.

The most deplorable element of Liz & Dick, however, is its mockumentary aspect. Reality-style confessionals of the two titular characters are randomly interspersed throughout the film. The writer clearly didn't know how to convey the characters' emotions in the script's dialog, so he just decided to have them break the fourth wall and literally just tell the audience how they feel. How neat. It was all too confusing as well, as Lindsay and Grant are playing the characters at their ages in the beginning of the film, yet they're reminiscing about events that took place almost two decades later, like Dick's death. Is this some sort of quasi-heaven?

In all honesty, the film is not that bad. In the grand scheme of things, it's at least on par with much of what Lifetime usually barfs out. But everything was working against it. One of the most controversial stars today was portraying one of the most controversial stars in history. Everybody expected it to be memorable but also made up their minds ahead of time that it would be horrible. I'm not saying Lindsay deserves an Emmy for this, and her skill has definitely suffered in the hazy years between now and her Mean Girls hay day, but shouldn't we be commending her for at least attempting to get her life back on track?

Nah. This was total garbage and she should be ashamed of herself. You can bet your bottom dollar the Elizabeth Taylor is probably having a fucking seizure in her grave over this mess. I think Linday should star in a crappy CBS sitcom or something. That will keep her working consistently and (hopefully) out of rehab or jail and off the roads!

Cunt of the Week: Amanda Bynes, Because It Was Only a Matter of Time

"Thaaaaat's me!"

If you're feeling down this holiday season, I suggest a healthy dosage of Cunt of the Week to ease your troubles, because this week's cunt is the most ridiculous person I've ever heard of.

Remember when Amanda Bynes was the shit? She was like Hilary Duff, but the Nickelodeon version. She was part of the bitchin' original cast of All That, headlined her own self-titled variety show, and showed her stuff in films like Big Fat Liar, She's the Man, and Hairspray. Well, as it turns out, like so many lovely ladies on our television screen, Amanda is a total cunt. Her cuntitude can best be conveyed in a timeline.

2002 - 2006: Amanda follows up her teenage success with a show called What I Like About You. For four years, Amanda reportedly had a huge ego, slutted in up like no other, and constantly antagonized her co-star Jennie Garth. Oh Mandy. Putting yourself in direct conflict with a former Bitch of the Week practically seals your fate as a cunt.

June 2010: Amanda announces that she's retiring from acting at the ripe age of 24. "Being an actress isn’t as fun as it may seem," she tweeted. "If I don’t love something anymore, I stop doing it. I don’t love acting anymore, so I’ve stopped doing it." AKA she can't find work and gives up. That is, until...

July 2010: Amanda declares that she's "unretired" only a month after calling it quits. Eyebrows were raised - oh, were they raised - but if anything, she just comes off as reckless and immature.

September 2010: Easy A, Amanda's final pre-retirement project, hits theaters. Although it's funny as fuck, Amanda has an inexplicable case of chipmunk cheeks. Wtf?

March 8, 2012: A police officer pulls Amanda over for talking on her cell phone while driving. He goes to his squad car to write the ticket, but the actress flees the scene before he can give it to her. Showing some semblance of responsibility, she picks up her citation at the police station later in the day.

April 6, 2012: Amanda is arrested for driving under the influence in West Hollywood after crashing into a police car. She refuses to let authorities take a blood test and later goes on to publicly claim that she was not drinking. Millions of 90s children lose their role model.

Literally, within 24 hours of being arrested, Amanda goes clubbing again, but is denied entry into The Stanford club because of her arrest.

April 10, 2012: Amanda is allegedly involved in a hit-and-run after swiping another car on the 101, fleeing the scene, and blowing through a red light.

She's probably scheduling a hair appointment. I would if
that was my hair.

April 12, 2012: Photographers catch Amanda texting while driving. And then she backs her car up a sidewalk. (Picture to the right.)

April 15, 2012: Amanda decides to hold up traffic on a busy West Hollywood street while attempting to make a 3-point turn. This is after she forgets to pay a valet earlier in the day.

May 4, 2012: A fucking police helicopter chases Amanda's ass after she allegedly committed a hit-and-run. When she is finally pulled over, she swears to the police that she didn't realize she had hit another car.

June 6, 2012: Shortly after being officially charged for her DUI, Amanda tweets President Obama and asks him to fire the cop that arrested her. Okay now. That is some Lindsay Lohan-level cray.

August 4, 2012: After a relatively quiet summer, Amanda hits yet another car and then flees the scene once she realizes she would have to exchange information with the victim. In her defense, this is the first car accident she doesn't run away from right away, so she probably doesn't know the proper protocol!

August 20, 2012: Amanda gets rear-ended. At least it's not her fault this time.

September 9, 2012: The roads of LA are safe once again, as Amanda's license is suspended because she can't drive for shit.

The same exact day her license is suspended, Amanda is pulled over for driving... with a suspended license... at night with no headlights.

At least she wore her glasses!

September 13, 2012: Paparazzi trail Amanda for hours as she drives with a suspended license and repeatedly takes pot hits from a pipe. (Picture to the left.)

That same night, Amanda whips up her special, which is getting into another car accident.

September 14, 2012: Amanda gets into another fucking car accident. She was driving with a suspended license. With a scarf around her head.

September 16, 2012: Amanda is pulled over for driving aimlessly around Burbank Airport, ticketed for driving with a suspended license, and her car is impounded.

September 17, 2012: Lindsay Lohan slams Amanda for being a total fuck-up. Wow... If Lindsay Lohan, who is probably the co-founder of the ALC (American League of Cunts) thinks you're even worse off than she is, you are absolutely fucked.

Meanwhile, Amanda shops at a West Hollywood clothing store and locks herself in a dressing room for almost two hours. When she finally emerges, she purchases several items, including a bathing suit she forgets she's wearing underneath her clothes. She then proceeds to sit in a Starbucks by herself for an additional three hours. Clearly, she had a lot to do that day.

September 18, 2012: Amanda decides that she doesn't want a single day to go by without her fucking something up, so she goes to a gym and partakes in a 50-minute spinning class. Eventually, she gets bored and starts wandering around the room aimlessly. And then she takes off her shirt, revealing a black lace bra, not a sports bra. And then she leaves to reapply her make-up for 10 minutes, at which point the instructor throws her sorry ass out.

September 19, 2012: Amanda insists, "I'm doing amazing" before saying that she's retired from acting again, plans to launch a fashion design, and then claiming that she doesn't drink. Ah, hellz naw!

September 21, 2012: After multiple attempts to reach out to their client, Amanda's manager, agent, and publicist all drop her. It's sad when even the people who get paid to keep celebrity's lives together don't even want to deal with her.

September 24, 2012: Amanda is spotted in New York City, taking her cuntitude coast-to-coast. She tells friends that her impromptu trip is so she can "be alone"... in one of the most populated cities in the country.

September 26, 2012: Still fucking shit up in the Big Apple, Amanda strikes again and locks herself in the bathroom of a cupcake shop. After 30 minutes, the employees and patrons grow concerned and start checking on her, but she doesn't reply. They call the police, who arrive 15 minutes to break down the door. Amanda then said, "Excuse me. I was doing my make-up." UMM...

Thankfully, Amanda's most recent issues have been within the confides of a courthouse. And that's not as fun as her getting into a car accident every day, so I'm not going to write about it. My point is, if you're feeling blue or just looking for a reason to be thankful, just be glad you ain't this bitch!

Penelope Taint is most certainly not be Amanda's number-one fan anymore, please.