Cunt of the Week: Duffy the Disney Bear

A face you could just slap.

If you haven't been to a Disney theme park in the past few years, you may be unaware of a certain cuddly cunt who goes by the name of Duffy and has been given the title of the Disney Bear. For whatever reason, Disney park execs thought that Mickey Mouse wasn't enough of a mascot for the company and decided the punish the entire world with this sack of shit.

Apparently, he was originally introduced in Orlando for a limited time, but it wasn't until the Tokyo park got its hands on Duffy that this so-called Disney Bear became an instant hit. (It's all too typical of the Japanese to go cray over this.) Now, this abomination is at every park! You can buy him (along with accessories and various other outfits), meet and take pictures with him, and even see him in the parade! This little fucker even has his own show at some of the parks! Slowly but surely, he is taking over, snatching the wigs of beloved classic characters such as Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.

Like Eve taking a bite from the apple, Minnie creating
Duffy was the beginning of the end.

Perhaps the most outrageous part of Duffy's existence is his back story. Get this: the person who "made" him is none other than MINNIE FUCKING MOUSE. Mickey was going on a trip and Minnie decided to make him a teddy bear to remember her by (because her malevolent and degenerate existence is too easily forgotten?). It's my own personal philosophy that the most dangerous cunts are those that are created by other cunts. Not only is this totally gross, but it's yet another example of Minnie trying to appear innocent even though she's a raging, festering little cunt.

Thanks to my close proximity to Disneyland, I have a plethora of opportunities to boo and yell profanities at Duffy when I see him and his Mickey Mouse tramp stamp in the park. I encourage everyone to follow suit so we can expel this evil from the Disney theme parks and preserve the innocence and sanity of future generations.