You Know What's Definitely NOT the Jam of the Week?

Lady Gaga's new single, "Applause".

My hatred for this gimmicky bitch has been well-documented, but with the sheer amount of anticipation surrounding her triumphant return to music, even I was expecting something that I might actually like.

It turns out "Applause" is one of the worst songs I've ever heard, Gaga or otherwise. Hopefully the rest of the world feels the same way and we won't just send her straight to the top of the charts for simply because she's Lady Gaga.