There's nothing more satisfying than when your favorite supermarket tabloid offers a limited edition issue, usually devoted to a film, TV show, or celebrity, to titillate your inner fan boy/girl. They're usually full of fluffy interviews and fun pictures; rarely do they offer new insight, but it's still super fun.
This summer alone I picked up Us Weekly's special issues devoted to Pretty Little Liars and One Direction, but my love for these rare treats came in 2007 when People released its High School Musical 2 special.
Thing I Hate #8: Greek Life
Sorry, but I'm not at all sorry! I fucking hate Greek life and everything it stands for. When I first came to college, I had no problem with it whatsoever, but I knew it wasn't for me. But as I grew to realize how monstrous it is, I've become completely intolerant of it.
That said, I only take issue with the institution, not the people in it. That said, some of the worst people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting are in Greek life. THAT said, some of my dearest friends are in Greek life. It's a mixed bag for sure. But as a whole, the bag fucking sucks.
The news can be boring as all fuck. However, give me a news anchor who's equal parts attractive and sassy, and I'm set. That recipe manifests itself in Anderson Cooper, this week's silver fox BoW. As the host of CNN's Anderson Cooper 360, the Coop reports important world news. But most importantly, he looks good doing it. In the daytime, he shows off his less serious side on his talk show, Anderson Live. And he looks good doing that, too.
To understand what makes Anderson such a good bitch, we must look at his past. Firstly, he's a Vanderbilt, which means he has money honey. Secondly, he was a child model, which means he was always beautiful. Thirdly, he's gay, and it's nice to have people like him on the team to balance out Boy George. (Anderson is so gay he provided a voice over narration for the Broadway show How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.)
Since coming out of the closet last year, Anderson has been considerably more fun and therefore a better bitch. He frequently teams up with the likes of Kathy Griffin and Kelly Ripa for barrels of laughs, talks about his love for The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and calls out celebrities and other public figures on their bullshit during the Ridicu-list. Most deliciously, he's been linked to fellow bitch Andy Cohen, mostly because of the Instagrams below.
Hmm...
What a power couple they would make! Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like they're actually together. By we can dream, can't we?
There's honestly no part about Anderson that isn't perfectly bitchy. Even his name is the pinnacle of bitchery!
While I we eagerly await the commencement of Britney's new musical era, I'll continue to celebrate the Queen of Pop and all her glory. And what better way than to throw it back to her previous feats? You may recall that I previously selected her top ten singles, and then her top ten non-single songs. What more could I do, you ask?
Well, you're forgetting about the bonus tracks! Whether it's a deluxe edition or an international release, all of Britney's albums have additional songs that don't make the standard cut. It's criminal, really, because a lot of these songs are better than her biggest hits but go unnoticed by the masses. And this list will hopefully remedy that!
10. "Get Back" "Catch me if you can, don't move too slow," Britney teases flawlessly as she slays your entire life. Continuing the amazingness that is Blackout, "Get Back" was only available on the Japanese edition of the album, and damn are they lucky, because this is a true smash. It's all about inviting a guy to the dance floor, but warning him that if he can't take the heat, he needa step the fuck off.
9. "Don't Hang Up" One of several Britney songs about phone sex (yes, there are multiple), "Don't Hang Up" seems out of place on In the Zone upon first listen. It sounds sweet, like something Brit would've sang back in her pigtail days; it's not as overtly sexual as, say, "Breath On Me". But with lyrics like, "Pillow is all I have to hold... Without you, I still wanna take you there" and "Don't hang up 'til I'm finished with you," it's clear this international bonus track is naughtier than it lets on.
8. "Quicksand" It almost sickens me to include this song on the list, as it was written by Lady Gaga. But "Quicksand" is a rare occasion when a post-breakdown Britney sings about emotion rather than sex. In the song, Britney vows to hold on to her significant other, even thought they're "sinking like quicksand." Holler to European iTunes users who were blessed with this song on their Circus downloads.
7. "Before the Goodbye" Have you ever heard of a dance ballad? Me either, until Selena Gomez's "A Year Without Rain" was described as such. A dance ballad is exactly what it sounds like, and "Before the Goodbye", off of the Spain release of Britney, is the perfect example. Lyrically, the song is about an emotionally absent lover. Ignore the words and you have a fun dance beat perfect for the clubs!
6. "Selfish" The deluxe edition of Femme Fatalewas literally the best thing to happen to humanity in 2011. A jam-packed album extended by four new tracks? Fucking holler. On "Selfish", Britney makes her lover her bitch because tonight is all about her. "Boom boom, baby, pick you up in my Mercedes," she sings iconically and everybody who owns a Mercedes shits themselves with excitement.
5. "Walk On By" Remember when Britney was still innocent enough to sing about angels? "Walk On By", taken from the UK special edition of Oops!... I Did It Again, is a little over the top, as Britney says her boy toy's face reminds her "of a higher place" and "angels cry" every time he walks on by, but just TRY to listen to this and not say, "Aww! Baby Britney!"
4. "Autumn Goodbye" Anyone who says Britney can't sing needs to listen to songs like "Autumn Goodbye" and get a fucking reality check. True, Britney rarely pushes her vocal limits these days, but girlfriend was only 15 when she recorded this song, and that kind of talent never goes away. The ...Baby One More Time Japanese bonus track is all about the end of summer love, and it's definitely a highlight in Britney's career in my opinion.
3. "I Run Away" This lists seems to suggest that Britney delegates heartbreak to foreign releases, and the trend continues with "I Run Away", an exclusive track from the Spain release of Britney. It's another dance ballad, but this time Britney sings about a lover who suddenly leaves her. "Let's pretend that I moved on/And I'll tell myselfthat life goes on without you," she cries. Whoever would break up with Britney is a fucking idiot.
2. "Amnesia" Fans in the UK were treated to this Circus treat. "Amnesia" tells the story about a girl getting tongue-tied in the midst of a major hottie, and totally forgetting she's already taken. But she likes the new guy better, so she's just gonna tell her man "he should just effin' go." #PREACH Britney deserves nothing but the best.
1. "He About to Lose Me" This Femme Fatale deluxe edition track continues the vague theme of adultery. Not only is "He About to Lose Me" one of my favorite songs on the album, but it's one of my favorite Britney songs period. It's all about flirting with the temptation to cheat on a withdrawn boyfriend. In this version, Britney chooses to remain faithful. #OnThatFidelityGrind
BAM! What a flawless list, tbqfh. I hope this list implores you to explore your favorite artist's catalog. You'd be amazed what songs are out there that you probably don't know about, and you might discover a new life jam.
To all Pretty Little Liars fans, there are three incredibly important questions: (1) Who is A?; (2) Who murdered Ali, if she is in fact dead?; and (3) Why is Ella Montgomery such a fucking cunt? I'll attempt to break it down for everyone so we can all get on the same page and collectively pray that the next corpse that Rosewood PD finds is wearing a pantsuit.
The writers of PLL get some sort of sick joy out of writing characters off for extended periods of time (like Jenna and her 20-episode eye surgery) or just pretending like they're there when they aren't (like the mysterious case of Mike in Season 3). As such, the parents of the lying quartet appear sporadically, but only Aria's mother Ella manages to do it so fucking obnoxiously.
When the show starts, the Montgomery clan returns to Rosewood after a year in Iceland. Why they were in Iceland of all places is anybody's guess. I bet it was Ella's decision, so no wonder it was complete shit, like everything else she does. At first, she's just the harmless mom with her black pantsuits and long hair that she never bothers to style or cut in any flattering way. But when she learns that hubby Byron had an affair, she up and leaves. "Screw the kids!" is essentially her mindset.
While she's gone, everything turns to shit. Byron starts hitting on Hanna's mom, who is so far out of his league they're playing completely different sports. And their son Mike is being moody as all hell and breaking into people's homes for fun. And Aria is playing junior detective with her rag tag group of friends whilst fucking her English teacher. Does Ella care? Nope. Not as long as she continue perverting the youth of Rosewood. That's right. She's a teacher. At Aria's high school. More on that later.
#MomOfTheYear
Eventually Ella and Byron patch things up and everyone's happy. Except Mike, because he's still being a pissy little fucker. I totally thought he was gonna come out as a card-carrying Friend of Dorothy, but it turns out he's just temperamental. (Probably for the best. I'm not sure we could handle both him and Emily flying out of the closet at the same time.) Ella decides it's time to actually do her fucking job and confront Mike. When she does, he pushes her out his way. "Don't tell your father," she begs Aria. Don't tell your father? Yeah, that's a good idea, Ella. Your son is a fucking psycho and your entire family is still fragile since you moved your sorry selfish ass out of the house, but yeah, let's start keeping secrets from one another!
I wish Mike pushed her harder.
Next thing we know, Ella and Byron are divorced. I don't even remember why. Who fucking cares? Too much shit goes on in this show. So they're divorced and then Ella starts online dating under the screen name "Hot Momma." After everyone tossed their tacos at the insinuation that Ella is hot, she starts dating the much younger owner of the local coffee shop. But as always, she keeps the relationship on the DL because she wants to protect her children...
That's why she has a date with Coffee House Dude while on her lunch break. At her place of work. The high school. ARIA'S high school. DURING SCHOOL HOURS. Yup, she just has a fucking picnic with this coffee-grinding sack of shit in her classroom. And this is after she hangs up possible outfits for the date in her classroom, where, you know, students are coming in and out and probably don't wanna take a fucking vote on what she's gonna wear. (I'm almost certain she goes with the pantsuit.) As you can imagine, Aria walks in on their date and they are SO EMBARRASSED AND ASHAMED.
So then Ella gets attacked by some bees. I forget why, but it was part of A's plans. And then she moves to Europe with Coffee House Dude because she loves to abandon her family.
This is what she tells herself every time she moves out of the house.
So whether you're a fan of the show or not, you have to agree that Ella is a major cunt. She's a secret-keeping, home wrecking, self-centered cougar without an ounce of fashion sense. Here's hoping that she never comes back from Europe. Or better, that Ezra, Mona, Jenna, Melissa, or any other alleged member of the A team slits Ella's fucking throat.
In 1968, parent watchdog groups like Action for Children's Television, condemned Saturday morning cartoons for being too violent. By the following year, the backlash had led to the cancellation of nearly all these shows, forcing Hanna-Barbera and other studios to scramble to develop new shows, many of which were based on Archie comics.
Originally, the series was to focus on five bongo-playing teenagers and a sheep dog named Too Much. When the gang wasn't busy playing gigs as Mysteries Five, they would actually be out solving mysteries. After several major overhauls were made to the premise (most notably reducing the number of teens to four, changing the sheep dog to a great dane, and oh yeah, getting rid of the fucking bongos), the series began resembling the Scooby Doo, Where Are You! that we all know and love.
The characters were originally named Geoff (then Ronnie, finally Fred), Kelly (Daphne), Linda (Velma), W.W. (Shaggy), and Too Much (Scooby). That's Too Much grossness for me to handle. Glad they changed 'em!
Scooby Doo's name was inspired by Frank Sinatra's scat "doo-be-doo-be-doo" at the end of his song "Strangers in the Night".
Since its debut in 1969, 11 different series have been produced. The original and most iconic one, Scooby Doo, Where Are You!, only ran for 25 episodes.
Frank Welker has provided the voice of Fred since the show's debut in 1969, though he was briefly replaced by Carl Steven for A Pup Named Scooby Doo. In total, 5 actors have voiced Shaggy, 5 have voiced Daphne, 7 have voiced Velma, and 4 have voiced Scooby. These don't count the portrayals in the live action films.
The original Scooby Doo theme song was written at the last minute... literally. It just barely made it into the first episode.
Radio star Casey Kasem was originally uncomfortable voicing Shaggy, as he had never before played a hippie character. He originally wanted to play Fred. Casey left the role in 1995 after being asked to perform it for a Burger King commercial, despite that fact that he is vegetarian. He returned in 2002 and continued voicing Shaggy until 2009.
Fred originally had brown hair but was made blonde for diversity amongst the characters.
The gag in which Velma loses her glasses and exclaims, "My glasses, I can't see without them!" was inspired by original voice actress Nicole Jaffe, who lost her glasses during a table read an uttered something similar.
Beginning in 1972, The New Scooby Doo Movies (aka not actually movies but hour-long episodes) began pairing the gang with weekly guest stars, some were real (Don Knotts, Phyllis Diller, etc.) and some were fictional (Batman & Robin, the Addams Family, etc.).
Longstanding rumors of Fred and Daphne's relationship were never dealt with canonically until the new millennium, and even then, the characters do not officially start dating until 2010's Scooby Doo! Mystery, Incorporated. The rumors originated from Fred and Daphne's frequent absences while the gang would split up to solve mysteries. Fans thought they were getting it on, but the writers have since claimed that they found the two characters so boring, they purposely wrote them off so they wouldn't have to deal with them.
In the 1980, the franchise was revamped to focus on the fuckery Scooby, Shaggy, and (unfortunately) Scrappy got themselves into. Daphne was added back into the gang by 1983, with a new feminist attitude to boot, but Fred and Velma didn't return permanently until 1988.
Scrappy's introduction into the series was an attempt to boost ratings, but he has since become the bane of every Scooby fan's existence. It's a lesson Hollywood will never learn. Bringing on cute kids (or kid-like characters) will not boost ratings. #CousinOliverSyndrome
A Pup Named Scooby Doo is part of a 1980s television trend called "babyfictation," in which shows would focus on younger versions of popular cartoon characters. The Flintstones and Looney Toons are among the other franchises that received the same treatment.
Velma is heavily rumored to be gay, and the 2002 live action film originally included scenes hinting at her homosexuality, but they were removed to retain a PG rating. In fact, the entire film was originally supposed to be darker and more marijuana references you could count, but it was changed drastically after casting was completed.
Though the various incarnations of the series change certain aspects, Scooby Doo! Mystery, Incoportated (2010-2013) probably changed the most. It switched the gang's hometown from Coolsville to Crystal Cove, heavily featured their families, and had overarching storylines that extended to both the mysteries and the personal relationships between the characters.
Hot off the presses! Warner Bros. is planning a theatrical animated Scooby movie, although no details have been announced.
A heavily circulated rumor stated that the five members of Mystery, Inc. were based on the five colleges of the Five College Consortium in Massachusetts, but the original writers insist the characters were based on their counterparts in the radio program I Love a Mystery and the sitcom The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis.
On Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, Buffy is part of a group of teenagers known as "the Scooby Gang" that fights supernatural creatures. Sarah Michelle Gellar played Buffy in the show and also portrayed Daphne in the two theatrical live action films.
Fresh off the soundtrack to that shitty monster-hunting film The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, "Heart by Heart" is the next single in Demi's line of cardiology-themed songs (after "Give Your Heart a Break" and "Heart Attack", of course).
And since musically Demi can't really do any wrong, it's no surprise that this song is a smash. It's all about finding your soul mate and knowing somebody's "heart by heart." Yeah, it doesn't make much sense. But we love her anyway!
