Bitch of the Week: Nicki Minaj (Is Who You Ain't Fuckin' With)

Do you think that's her natural
hair color?

What do you get when you take Lil Wayne, trade in his penis for Kim Kardashian's ass, and throw her into Lady Gaga's dressing room? You get the reigning Bitch of the Week, Nicki fucking Minaj.

For those of you who don't know, Her Minajesty is arguably the most popular and successful female rapper of all time. Beginning in 2010, she was pretty much featured in more songs than Pitbull, Flo Rida, and Timbaland combined. Even more impressive is her solo career, which has spawned jams such as "Moment 4 Life", "Super Bass", and "Starships".

Nicki is the perfect candidate for Bitch of the Week for countless reasons. First of all, she has her own verb conjugation that is beyond, as evidenced by classic lyric "I beez in the trap;" a lesser rapper would have just said "I am in the trap," but Nicki knew das tacky. Nicki is always delivering innovative lyrics (or "spittin' mad rhymes," as I'm told they say on the streets). Let's look at some examples.

• "Kiss my ass and my anus, cuz it's finally famous."
• "You're like a candy store, and I'm a toddler."
• "If you could turn back time; Cher! You used to be here now you're gone; Nair!"
• "Ra, ra, like a dungeon dragon!"
• "I'm a bad bitch I'm a cunt/I'll kick that ho, punt/Force trauma, blunt/You play the back, bitch I'm in the front!"
• "If I had a dick, I would pull it out and piss on 'em!"

And as with most bitches, Nicki has some pressed haters. When Nicki was quickly becoming the alpha bitch of the hip-hop world, something called a lil kim came out of the woodwork and accused NM of swagger jacking: "If you are going to steal my swag, you gonna have to pay. Something gotta give. You help me, I help you. That's how it goes to me." Never one to take anyone's bullshit laying down, Nicki responded by saying:

She picked a fight with Foxy, then she picked a fight with Eva, then she picked a fight with Remy, then it was Mrs. Wallace, then it was Nicki Minaj. Every time you in the news, it’s 'cause you gettin' at somebody! Where’s your music? Put your music out, and when I see your name on Billboard, that’s when I’ll respond to you. Other than that, goodbye. It’s Barbie, bitch.

Not only did Nicki take a swipe at Lil Kim's lack of success, but she referred to herself in the third person, which only a true bitch can pull off!

But that's not all. Who can forget Nicki's feud with Mariah Carey while they co-judged the fifty-ninth twelfth season of American Idol? Their rivalry started covered much ground, from passive aggressive eye rolls to full-on death threats. But everyone knows that Mariah is a piggish hasbeen while Nicki reigns supreme.

Of course, I cannot in good conscience give Nicki Bitch of the Week without allowing her to share the title with Roman Zolanski, her evil gay twin brother that was born inside her while she was still in the womb. He's been the influence for some of her greatest songs, included "Roman Holiday" and former Jam of the Week "Roman's Revenge".

At the end of the day, only the Barbz and Ken Dolls (the fans of Nicki, named for her affinity for Barbie), will truly understand what makes Nicki a bitch. There's only so much of her merit I can articulate. To fully grasp it, you must delve into her music. I implore you to do so, if you haven't already.