Cunt of the Week: Lady Gaga

Ugh. I just can't.

In the music industry, cunts are a dime a dozen. This is perhaps best illustrated by the battle for who will surpass Madonna as the Queen of Pop. While Britney is the obvious successor, basic bitches like Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Beyoncé think they stand a chance. The only person who has come close to swiping the title is none other than this Cunt of the Week, Lady Gaga.

For those of you who don't remember who Lady Gag-a is (because she's thankfully fallen of the radar in the past year or so), allow me to refresh your memory. She's Cyndi Lauper and Elton John's lovechild who grew up to become a self-important singing gypsy. Ever since she hit the music scene in 2008, she's proven to be nothing more than an absolute cunt. The biggest problem with Lady G is the fact that everybody thinks she's the fucking mecca of pop music. Her songs are so inspirational, she is so unique, and she is so talented. Except not. That is all bullshit. And here's why.

First off, she's not all that inspiring. Between P!nk raising her glass for the under dogs and Selena Gomez shutting down anybody who says you're not perfect, empowering pop anthems are an inescapable trend. Lady Gaga is perhaps the premier engineer of such tunes. "Dance in the Dark" speaks about body image, "Americana" touches upon immigration, and of course "Born This Way" is a shout-out to the gays. But at what point do these messages stop becoming meaningful and start becoming trite? I can't say for sure, but I know for fucking sure that Lady Gaga passed that point ages ago. Maybe her songs offer hope to the downtrodden, but she exploits social issues and her fanbase to make her music even more successful than it already is and das tacky. Sorry, Little Monsters, but y'all just her prop.

Secondly, Lady Gaga is a lot of things, but unique is not one of them. Sure, she may be the first person to wear a dress made out of Kermit the Frog dolls or arrive at the Grammys in a fucking egg, but her very being is a collection of shit she's stolen from other artists. From her blonde yellow hair that has been trademarked by Cyndi Lauper for decades to her music videos that scream Michael Jackson, nothing about Lady Gag-me's artistry is special. And as if I have to say it, almost every move she makes is taken from Madonna's playbook. (Please listen to "Born This Way" and then Madonna's 1989 hit "Express Yourself" to HEAR the similarities.)

Lastly, I'll evaluate Lady Gaga's talent. Sure, she has a nice voice, and she clearly knows how to pen a jam or two. But if you take away her soap box, crazy costumes, and alienating personality, her skills are underwhelming. There's nothing she can do that her peers cannot. You may say Britney is less talented, but at least she sets the trends in pop music. (Rolling Stone didn't name Blackout the most influential pop album of the past five years for shits and giggles.) Lady Gaga is always behind the curve.

Lady Gaga is not the pop engineer everybody thinks she is. In fact, she's the most reductive, redundant, irrelevant cunt on the block. I'll leave you with this graphic, which displays Lady Gaga's only lasting impact on the industry.

One list Britney will never be on.