Cunt of the Week: Tina Cohen-Chang

#notcute #tryingtoohard

Gleeks are quite possibly the hardest television fans to satisfy. In fact, nobody hates Glee more than gleeks. If you peruse through the interwebs, you'll find a myriad of complaints about the show. And as expected (or not, depending on how you look at it), a lot of them have to do with the Cunt of the Week, Tina Cohen-Chang. Why doesn't Tina have more solos? They've ruined Tina's character! She never gets any screen time. Blah blah fucking blah!

When the show begins, Tina is a friendless Asian goth who sings "I Kissed a Girl" and pulls a pelvic thrust/thigh slap during her audition for the glee club. Okay, that's fine. She gets in and starts speaking with a stutter. Again, it's whatever, neither here nor there. But then, Tina starts dating Artie, the paraplegic, and reveals that she doesn't actually have a stutter, and simply used it to keep others at bay. Artie breaks up with her but they reconcile. Soon after, she became a martyr for dressing however you want at McKinley. At this point, I was over Tina. But she wasn't a cunt. She was innocuous. She was, as Sue Sylvester put it, the Asian. And we were all fine with that.

It's not until the second season when she starts showing her true colors (lolz, a joke for gleeks). Her wardrobe goes from goth to punk. She breaks up with Artie and starts dating "other Asian," Mike Chang. By the third season, she's dressing like a fucking gogo dancer and bitches non-stop about not getting any solos. She constantly antagonizes the true star, Rachel Berry, though they become friends right before Rachel graduates. I know what you're thinking. What gives Tina the right to be such a heartbreaker?

In the fourth season, Tina's cuntitude is in full force. She literally bitches non-stop about solos and roles in musicals and all this other bullshit. Then she falls in love with Blaine, a very openly gay glee club member. On one hand, it's like, girl we've all been there. Who hasn't fallen for someone who couldn't possibly reciprocate the feeling? On the other hand, get it the fuck together, Tina. He's gay and wears bowties to school. Luckily, Tina eventually accepts this and settles for being his friend.

In the fifth season, Tina campaigns for prom queen but is total fucking cunt about it. She turns down a charitable invite to the dance by resident hottie Sam simply because he wasn't nominated for king. She's awful, which is why when she gets Carried and a bloody red slushi gets dumped on her when she accepts her crown, it's hard to feel bad for her. And after Finn dies (RIP Cory Monteith!), and Tina's biggest problem is she doesn't want to wear black to mourn the loss because she worked so hard to move past her goth days, you just want to cut the bitch.

Don't get me wrong. While I hate Tina, I feel bad for Jenna Ushkowitz, the actress who plays her. Jenna was one of the original cast members, and not only does she get shoved into the background more and more each time a new cast member is added, but they made her character a spiteful, callous cunt. Luckily the bitch is supposed to graduate soon, and we might finally be rid of Tina once and for all. One Glee problem down, 417 more to go.

It's Britney, Witch!

Britney Spears participated this GIF-tastic Halloween video and it's #lulz all around.

Jam of the Week: "Still Into You" by Paramore

I've always hated Paramore because Hayley Williams is an annoying troll and the band is indirectly responsible for tainting the first Glee tribute episode to Britney Spears. I wasn't even really sure what their music was... I knew they had a song in Twilight, and that's hardly a recommendation.

BUT they've finally crossed over to Top 40 radio, and that's something that gets my attention. "Still Into You" is all about a love that shouldn't work but does. It has hardcore Paramore fans split, but it definitely gets the Tommy Time seal of approval. #Jam

Bitch of the Week: The Daughters of Triton

Strength in numbers.

With each passing day, it seems like the public fascination with Disney Princesses grows by two-fold. And don't get me wrong, I support that shit. But what about those Disney characters who are just as deserving of all the love? Specifically, what about the other princesses who are often ignored simply because they aren't part of the official line up? More specifically, what about the Daughters of King Triton?

As Ariel's other sisters, these six mermaids are all at least one step closer to the throne than Ariel, and are therefore are a little more royal than Ariel. But nobody cares because they don't have an interest in the human world. I bet they have pretty cool hobbies, but we'll never find out.

So what makes Aquata, Arista, Andrina, Atina, Alana, and Adella Bitch of the Week material? Well, let's start with their fun-as-fuck musical number in The Little Mermaid. It may be brief, but it shows that they all yearn for the limelight and command the stage, both of which are important traits for BoWs.

Secondly, there's their general appearance. Not to throw any shade at Ariel or anything, but girlfriend does not know how to match her shells to her fin. At least her sisters have that shit on lock, and they style their hair with chic sea accessories, something Ariel could also benefit from.

Over the years, we've learned a lot about these sisters, and much of that information contradicts one another. The eldest sister changes so often it's hard to keep track of, not that we can really remember which one is which anyway. The animated TV series randomly made one of the sisters overweight.

And The Little Mermaid 3: Ariel's Beginning really fucked things up when it attempted to give the sisters individual personalities. I mean, it was fun to learn that one of them is boy crazy and another doesn't like to dance, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. I want to know what makes these girls tick. What are their insecurities? What are their talents aside from singing? Were any of them touched as children? (It may seem irreverent, but it is important!)

While we'll never learn the answers to these questions, we can still celebrate what we know about these girls, which is that they are simply the bitchiest mermaids around. Ariel knew she couldn't take the heat so she got out of the ocean. Bow down to the Daughters of Triton!

This or That (or That): The Miley/Demi/Selena Showdown of 2013

They're all pretty fucking content with themselves.

So basically for like all of 2013, I've been talking about how pretty much every pop princess is doing whatever it takes to be alpha bitch of the music scene. And while Britney is going to slay all these bitches come December 3, one cannot deny that there are several contenders deserving of second place.

Three horses in the running — Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, and Selena Gomez —are also involved in their own competition (or so I'd like to think) to see who can come out as the most successful Disney star. So, in a special edition of This or That, let's take a closer to look to see who came out on top.

Album sales & charts

• Demi debuted at #3 with 110,000 copies sold.
• Stars Dance debuted at #1 with 97,000 copies sold.
• Bangerz debuted at #1 with 270,000 copies sold.

While Demi managed to outsell Selena in their opening weeks, Selena reached the top position. But it doesn't matter, because Miley blew them both out of the water.

Single sales & charts

• "Heart Attack" reached #10 and has sold over 2 million copies.
• "Made in the USA" reached #80 and its sales haven't been released.
• "Come & Get It" reached #6 and has sold over 2 million copies.
• "Slow Down" reached #36 and has sold over 200,000 copies.
• "We Can't Stop" reached #2 and has sold over 2 million copies.
• "Wrecking Ball" reached #1 and has sold over 2 million copies.

So obviously Miley came out on top here, having two singles smash in both sales and charting.

Critical reception

• Demi received "mostly positive" reviews, scoring 64/100 on Metacritic, an aggregate of professional reviews.
• Stars Dance received "mixed" reviews, earning a score of 59/100.
• Bangerz had "mostly positive" reviews, scoring 62/100.

It's a marginal victory, but Demi seems to have pleased the critics most.

Tommy Time reception

• Demi: "Though Demi fails to take the singer forward in her musical journey, it proves to be a solid pop album. Those hoping for Taylor Swift-level personal details will be disappointed, but Lovatics will be more than satisfied, and Demi's impressive voice alone is enough to win over new converts."
• Stars Dance: "Stars Dance... [traps] Selena in the same anonymity and incohesiveness she struggled with earlier in her career. The final verdict: Selena gets major brownie points for her impressive musical risks, but that same ambition costs the album the presence of its star." 
• Bangerz: "Every song on Bangerz is a banger: a loud, colorful, trashy depiction of how the singer lives (or at least how she wants us to think she lives). But it's in that chaos that the album works; even when it's bad, it's so bad, it's almost good."

While I respected Miley and Selena for taking risks, I think Demi won out by playing it safe and creating the best album between the three of them.

So who came out on top? There's no denying that Miley, with the biggest sales and loudest headlines, is the most successful of the Disney darlings. It's history repeating itself, tbqfh, as you'll see below. I've taken the liberty of color coding the girls' chart positions from over the years so you have a visual of who's on top. (And to be generous, I've omitted Miley's releases as Hannah Montana.)

Album charts

• #1 Bangerz (2013)
• #1 Breakout (2008)
• #1 Here We Go Again (2009)
• #1 Meet Miley Cyrus (2007)
• #1 Stars Dance (2013)
• #2 Don't Forget (2008)
• #2 The Time of Our Lives (2009)
• #3 Can't Be Tamed (2010)
• #3 Demi (2013)
• #3 When the Sun Goes Down (2011)
• #4 Unbroken (2011)
• #4 A Year Without Rain (2010)
• #9 Kiss & Tell (2009)

Singles charts

• #1 "Wrecking Ball" (2013)
• #2 "Party in the USA" (2009)
• #2 "We Can't Stop" (2013)
• #4 "The Climb" (2009) 
• #6 "Come & Get It" (2013)
• #8 "Can't Be Tamed" (2010)
• #9 "7 Things" (2008)
• #9 "This Is Me" (2008)
• #10 "Heart Attack" (2013)
• #10 "See You Again" (2008) 
• #10 "Skyscraper" (2011)
• #15 "Here We Go Again" (2009)
• #16 "Give Your Heart a Break" (2012)
• #16 "When I Look at You" (2010)
• #18 "Hoedown Throwdown" (2009)
• #21 "Who Says" (2011)
• #22 "Love You Like a Love Song" (2011)
• #24 "Round & Round" (2010)
• #29 "Naturally" (2010)
• #35 "A Year Without Rain" (2010)
• #36 "Slow Down" (2013)
• #41 "Don't Forget" (2009)
• #43 "Get Back" (2008)
• #52 "La La Land" (2009)
• #68 "Start All Over" (2008) 
• #80 "Made in the USA" (2013)
• #82 "Falling Down" (2009) 
• #84 "Fly On the Wall" (2008)
• #103 "Hit the Lights" (2011)

Jam of the Week: "Unconditionally" by Katy Perry

 
Katy Perry's third album (fourth, if you count her Jesus freak album that sold 100 copies) Prism drops tomorrow, and while lead single "Roar" quickly lost its novelty and promo tracks like "Dark Horse" and "Walking On Air" failed to impress altogether, the latest song to debut off the album has just what it takes to be a Jam of the Week.

"Unconditionally", said to have been inspired by John Mayer, is all about loving someone uninhibitedly. As per usual, Katy hardly offers anything new or groundbreaking, but it's still a fun song to listen to! Unfortunately, the amazing song comes coupled with a ratchet lyric video that's trying too hard to be simplistic and lesbian-friendly. Just ignore that and focus on the music!

20 Things You Didn't Know About Batman

1. Though Bob Kane is credited with the creation of the Batman character, his right-hand man Bill Finger actually came up with the idea. Kane often relied on Finger to do most of the work and never received credit. Eventually, Finger left Kane's employment and worked for DC Comics directly and created characters like the Green Lantern.
2. Batman debuted in 1939, but key elements of his mythos came later. The city of Gotham City was introduced in 1940 (with Batman having previously lived in Superman's Metropolis or just New York City), the Bat-Signal didn't come until 1942, and the Batcave finally made its first appearance in 1948.
3. While Batman is known for never killing anyone or using firearms, the character did both in his early years.
4. Robin was originally supposed to be a one-time character, but his debut issue in 1940 sold double what a typical issue sold, so they kept Robin around.
5. Batgirl was created specifically for the 1960s TV show. Producers requested that the comic books come up with a female counterpart to the Caped Crusader, who they could then use in the show, which was in dire need of a ratings boost. The character appeared in both mediums in 1967. Her popularity on the TV show was impressive enough to almost get her a spin-off series, but couldn't save the show itself. It was canceled in 1978.
6. In 2012, Forbes estimated Bruce Wayne's fortune at $6.9 billion, making him the eighth richest fictional character.
7. In the 1950s and 60s, Batman stories shifted from a dark, violent tone to a lighter one that many called "camp" and associated with gay culture, a theory propelled in 1954 by psychiatrist Fredric Wertham, who often protested comics and the effects of mass media on children.
8. Before Michael Keaton was cast as the lead in Tim Burton's Batman, the direction and Warner Bros. had considered Alec Baldwin, Mel Gibson, Kevin Costner, Charlie Sheen, Pierce Brosnan, Tom Selleck, and Bill Murray for the role.
9. Sean Young was originally cast as Vicki Vale in Batman but was forced to pull out after breaking her arm one week before filming. The actress auditioned for the role of Catwoman in the sequel, Batman Returns, and even wore a homemade costume on various talk shows to campaign for the role. Thankfully, it didn't work and Michelle Pfeiffer was cast.
10. Prince was contracted to write two songs for Batman, but loved the film so much that he wrote an entire soundtrack, which was eventually scrapped altogether.
11. Robin Williams turned down the role of the Riddler in Batman Forever because he felt it wasn't funny enough. The role eventually went to Jim Carrey.
12. After Batman & Robin was panned by critics and was financially unsatisfying, Warner Bros. scrapped a fifth film that would have featured the Scarecrow and Harley Quinn as its villains. Instead, they developed several other proposals to continue the franchise, including a prequel, a live-action film based on the animated series Batman Beyond, and a Batman vs. Superman film, which will manifest itself in the 2015 Man of Steel sequel.
13. Batman: the Animated Series not only established the long-running DC Animated Universe, which included several other series like Superman, Batman Beyond, and Justice League, but also won an Emmy and created characters like Harley Quinn that later became staples in the comics.
14. For Batman Begins, the Gotham City license plates were made to look like Illinois plates so they would blend in during car chases scenes filmed in Chicago.
15. When The Dark Knight was delivered to theaters, it was titled Oliver's Army to deter piracy.
16. Heath Ledger locked himself in a hotel room for a month one to prepare for his role as the Joker in The Dark Knight. The one thing he didn't initially plan as part of the character's psychotic idiosyncrasy was the constant licking of his lips and cheeks, which he did out of discomfort with the prosthetic make-up.
17. Warner Bros. originally wanted Leonardo DiCaprio to play the Riddler in The Dark Knight Rises, before Christopher Nolan opted to use Bane and Catwoman as the villains. Leonardo was also considered for the role of Robin in Batman Forever but was beat out by Chris O'Donnell.
18. Mr. Freeze was originally a comedic villain until Batman: the Animated Series created a tragic backstory in which his motivation is to save his cryogenically frozen wife, who suffers from a rare disease.
19. Poison Ivy, initially a supporting villain, was promoted throughout the 1970s and 80s in response to the feminist argument that comic books needed more female characters. The continued characterization of Catwoman as sympathetic left room for Poison Ivy to be Batman's primary female antagonist.
20. Though many Batman characters have inconsistent backstories and portrayals, none are as polarizing as the Penguin, who is sometimes portrayed as a grotesque and deformed outcast, and other times as a high-profile aristocrat.