Does Selena Gomez Really Use a Voicemail from the Biebs in Her New Song?

Doomed from the start.

Selena has been boasting about her upcoming album Stars Dance, due out July 23, for months now, claiming that it's her most personal yet. Since then, everyone and their mother is wondering if (or, more accurately, which) songs on the album discuss the pop star's on-and-off relationship with Justin Bieber. (It's most likely on again, as they two were together on the Fourth of July, fyi.)

And while any song about love could theoretically be applied to their rocky romance, it seems like "Love Will Remember" is the only track off the album written specifically about the Biebs. Selena spoke of the song previously, saying:

That's the most personal track on the record, for sure. I think it's a sweet way of releasing it. It's not an aggressive approach to what people are probably expecting. I'm sure he'll [Justin] love it too.

Luckily, the song leaked online today and people are losing their shit, as it begins with a supposed voicemail from Justin in which he calls her the love of his life.

So will Justin actually like the song? Probably not. This kind of exploitative bullshit has Taylor Swift's name written all over it.

Whether or not it's actually the Biebs' voice is unconfirmed, so you'll have to listen to "Love Will Remember" for yourself! (It might sound a bitch chipmunky; the pitch has been altered for copyright.)

Jam of the Week: "Tie It Up" by Kelly Clarkson

It seems like just yesterday that I deemed Kelly Clarkson "Queen of Flops." The title was very much deserved, with a career that's more hot and cold than a Katy Perry song. So it seems a bit strange that she's getting Jam of the Week, but I would be doing everyone a disservice by ignoring this redneck anthem.

"Tie It Up" is a country song about planning a wedding. I know, I know. Kelly going country? Bitch needs to stick to pop rock. Who does she think she is, Carrie Underwood? Those were my first thoughts as well. But this isn't Kelly's first time at the country radio. Her songs "Mr. Know It All" and "Don't Rush" were both hick heaven, but ultimately unsuccessful. She had better luck on "Don't You Wanna Stay", a country duet with Jason Aldean.

Luckily, Kelly's "Tie It Up" just works. And it's uber catch, with lyrics like:

I love the ring of your name
You’re the ying to my yang
Oh baby let’s give it a shot
Every wall needs a frame
Every ball needs a chain
I’m talkin’ about tying the knot
Tie it up

So go on, hear for yourself! Listen to the next step in the original American Idol's musical evolution.

Things Tommy Loves and Hates #4

Spiffy.

Thing I Love #4: The Picture of George Clooney Above

Self-explanatory.

Thing I Hate #4: People's Bitching!

I don't know what it is about me makes people think I want to hear their problems, but I can almost guarantee that I most certainly do not.

The Way Local News Should Be

Workplace frenemies.

Maybe I should start watching my local news every morning, because this is the perfect cup of bitchery we all need to get the day started! Watch below

Why Heidi Montag's Album Isn't as Bad as You'd Think (And Yes, This Pains Me to Admit)

Ratchet.

Most of you are probably unaware, but in 2010, The Hills star Heidi Montag released an album. And... it wasn't bad. Dare I say, it was almost good. I'll get into that later, but let me preface this reasoning by first explaining that I detest Heidi, as should the rest of the air-breathing population. So naturally, when I heard the reality starlet was headed into the recording studio, I feared the worst.

Nothing Heidi did in the months leading up to her album's release indicated that it would be anything but utter shit. She married ratchet fucktard Spencer Pratt, got 10 plastic surgeries in one day, and released the ear-splitting buzz single "Higher" (only click the link if you have a high tolerance for pain). But perhaps most offensively, she got her hand on a Britney Spears demo, recorded over it, and leaked it to the public in an effort to convince everyone she had collaborated with one of the biggest pop stars on the planet. And on the eve of the album's release, when Heidi revealed that she had personally funded the $2 million project and was confident that she would get all the money back after one week of release, I laughed at her just like everybody else.

And then Superficial, as the album was aptly titled, was released. And I was surprised at how good it was. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely no talent her. Heidi's vocals are autotuned to hell, and I can still only just tolerate them. The songs are uninspired and reductive (one track, "Blackout", was even written by a 9-year-old Taylor Momsen). But Heidi set out to make a fun dance mix and that's exactly what she did. The album's opening tracks, "Look How I'm Doing" and "Turn Ya Head", could have easily been top 40 hits if they were sung by anybody else. My personal favorite, "I'll Do It", is undeniably fun while  "Love It or Leave It" should have been a Britney record. Other highlights include the dance jam "More is More" and the titular "Superficial".

So remember the whole "don't judge a book by its cover" saying? This definitely applies here. With Superficial, that was only ever digitally released, you do get what you think: a collection of vapid songs that embody everything that's wrong with the pop music industry. But that doesn't mean they aren't fun!

PS If you're just loving these jams, you should also check out "Body Language", which Heidi performed at the Miss Universe pageant to a TV audience of nearly one billion, "Bionic". Neither made the album, but they're some of her best.

Happy Independence Day!

Jam of the Week: "What About Love" by Austin Mahone

The current Jam of the Week was selected based on nostalgia factor if nothing else. Austin Mahone's "What About Love" reeks of 90s boy band bliss. Enough said. Fans of Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync will appreciate this, as would Directioners and Beliebers.