Jam of the Week: "Wildfire" by the Saturdays

 
Last year, British girl group the Saturdays made a strong but ultimately ill-fated attempt to make a splash here in the states. I've been following their career for some time now, so even if most of my fellow Americans haven't heard of them, I feel like they deserve some recognition.

"Wildfire" is a sizzling dance track from their last album, Living For the Weekend. (Curiously, the song is only a bonus track, despite being better than all the album cuts.) This song is at home on American airwaves, so it's truly a wonder why the band had such difficulty breaking into our music industry.

Without further ado, take a listen to "Wildfire" and see just what makes these girls so fun!

Bitch of the Week: Emily Thorne

She a bad bitch.

She may be lost at sea with two bullet wounds in her gut, but there's no denying that Emily Thorne is and always will be Bitch of the Week material. Unfamiliar with the first bitchin' BoW of the New Year? Well, she's a mass manipulator and the center of the chess game of eternal fuckery that is Revenge.

To explain Revenge to someone who doesn't watch it is much like teacher a the blind how to color in the lines. Hell, explaining Revenge to someone who DOES watch the show isn't much easier. But with a title like that, you know it must breed bitches like no other. In the spirit of getting everyone on the same page, or at least in the same library, I'll take a stab at simplifying the fuck out of this sudsy storyline.

Emily Thorne was born Amanda Clarke, the apple of her beloved father David's eye. When she was a child, Emily saw her father carted off to jail for terrorism, and then murdered will he was in the slammer. Now, as an adult, Amanda has vowed to exact revenge upon the people who framed her father. With a new identity, she targets the two people most responsible, the patriarch and matriarch of America's most powerful family: Conrad Grayson, David's boss, and Victoria Grayson, David's mistress.

Essentially, it's The Count of Monte Cristo meets Gossip Girl. And as you can imagine, there's about a million other people involved, and just when you think you've finally caught on to what's going on, you realize that you're lost at sea.

Hey, that brings me back to my first point. You see, after taking down countless people who helped the Graysons frame her father, Emily was about to finally pull off the ultimate revenge we've all been waiting three seasons for: marry the eldest Grayson heir, Daniel, and then frame Victoria for her own murder. But something goes awry. Daniel finds out about Emily's lies (to a very limited extent), and shoots her in a drunken rage and now she's somewhere in the ocean.

The show returns from its winter hiatus this Sunday, and we'll finally learn Emily's fate. (Excuse me if I'm not shocked when she turns up alive... You know, being the fucking main character and all.)

So you know the basic plot of the show. But what makes Emily Thorne Bitch of the Week material? That's just it! To know why she's the ultimate bitch, and why she's setting the pace for all future BoWs in 2014, you have to watch the show. I'm not plugging, I'm just saying. Emily is cold, calculating, and brilliant. Her uncanny ability to manipulate everyone, predict their behavior, and set traps that they fall right into is something we should aspire to.

So cheers, Emily. When you wash up on the Hamptons shore, I hope you continue to be the devious bitch we all know and love

Tommy Picks 20 Things to Look Forward to in 2014

Happy New Year, everyone! As we herald in 2014, and hopefully get over everything that was wrong with last year, it's important that we embrace what lies ahead. After all, there's so much to look forward to in 2014, like...

1. Orange Is the New Black. Was last season's cliffhanger juicy or what?
2. Carrie Underwood's fifth album. There's no confirmation of a 2014 release, but the Queen of Country has said that her post-Sound of Music days will be devoted to working on new material.
3. The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay - Part I. Hopefully it continues the pattern and is even better than Catching Fire.
4. Possible reunions. The possibilities are endless and the rumors are rampant. I'd love to see fabulous reunions for Mean Girls, Desperate Housewives, Beverly Hills, 90210, and, of course, Friends.
5. Lea Michele's debut album.
6. Lana Del Rey's third album, UltraViolence.
7. Maleficent. It may star a former Cunt of the Week, and the trailer may have been disappointing, but everybody loves a Disney fairytale turned on its side!
8. Second rate Disney stars' return to music. 2013 was the year of Miley, Selena, and Demi. If rumors and vague statements are to be believed, 2014 may be the year of Ashley Tisdale and Hilary Duff.
9. Britney: Piece of Me. Vegas, here I come!
10. Noah. Even though I'm not really into Biblical stuff.
11. Darren Criss' debut album.
12. Girls. And Looking, which is touted as the Girls for gays.
13. The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Superhero films may bore me, but the first film in the Spider-Man reboot series was good enough to leave me wanting more. Plus I love me some Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone!
14. Pretty Little Liars. Now that we now EzrA's little secret, things are about to heat up!
15. The Muppets Most Wanted.
16. Seeing if the Superbowl is rescheduled because of snow.
17. Serena. This mysterious Depression-era film, which once again pairs Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, has been quietly shelved many times, but will finally see its release this April. That doesn't bode well for its quality, but I'm still intrigued.
18. The inevitable break-up of One Direction's Zayn Malik and his fiancée Perrie Edwards. I will NOT let them get married.
19. Big Hero 6. It will be interesting to see how Disney animation handles superheroes.
20. Most importantly, all'a dis.